Chapter 1
This wasn’t the way to handle things, I knew but I couldn’t seem to stop myself right now, not while my head was a mess. I was surprised Dad was giving me the beer. If Seth drove me home, he was letting me wallow in alcohol while I tried to get my act together.
Six weeks had passed since I had held my daughter in my hands. I was one miserable son-of-a-bitch. I wanted to be a father to her but I still resented Jasmine and that woman’s lies. I also felt like she tricked me, but it wasn’t Asia’s fault. I wanted my daughter.
I needed to piss in the worst way. I staggered to the bathroom and let the door slam shut behind me. I unzipped my jeans and stood at the urinal barely able to stand up let alone hold my dick.
The bathroom door opened. I glanced over my shoulder expecting another man to walk through that door. Instead it was her.
“What the fuck,” I growled at her.
She laid her tray on the counter. I had my dick out of my pants, peeing in the urinal. I couldn’t have stopped if I tried. She didn’t seem to care or notice. “Disa, do you mind? I’m taking a piss.” My eyes were bloodshot and bleary but even I could see that she wasn’t leaving.
“I get that,” she replied. “I just needed to say that I’m ashamed of you, Benjamin.”
I lowered my head. “I already knew that,” I whispered looking at my penis. The thing that got me into this mess but damn, did I want to see my little girl again. I shook it off and shoved it back in my pants then I tried to zip my jeans. My boxers were stuck. “I need your help,” I slurred.
“You have got to be kidding me.”
“My boxers are stuck in the zipper,” I told Disa trying like hell to get them unstuck and only making it worse.
She sighed. “Come here,” she snapped at me.
Disa bent at the waist causing her hair to spill over her shoulder as she tried to pry the fabric loose from the zipper without touching me. If I hadn’t been so drunk I would probably be hard right now.
I sniffed her silver, blonde hair and closed my eyes reveling in the sweet smell of her silky locks. Damn, she smelled good like sweetness and sunshine mixed together. She reminded me of the honeysuckle that grew behind the farmhouse where Elijah and Jenny now lived.
“Ben, how can you turn your back on that little baby?” Disa asked me while she struggled with my zipper.
I sighed, a deep and heavy sound between us. “I want to see her.” I replied choking on the words.
Slowly, Disa’s head shot up to look at me. Her eyes were filled surprise. “Why don’t you then?” She asked.
“Jasmine,” I replied.
She lowered those beautiful baby blues back to the task at hand. Those amazing eyes of hers. Drunk or not, I saw the hurt. I touched her chin and through blearing eyes I saw the need in her face that my touch caused her. She wanted me to kiss her as much as I wanted to kiss her.
I lowered my head. My lips hovered near hers. Her fingers dropped from my zipper. The only sound was that of our breathing in the empty bathroom as we stared at each other. It was late or early however you chose to view it. The pub was nearly empty, so no one was likely to come in here.
Our eyes locked on each other. Hovering. Deciding. Was this a good idea? Then, I brushed my lips across Disa’s, throwing caution to the wind.
“Ben,” she moaned into my mouth. “Ben,” Disa moaned my name again. Then she thought better of kissing me and shoved on me. I didn’t move at first. “Ben don’t.” She shoved me again. “You’re still thinking about my cousin.”
“When I said Jasmine…well, it’s not what you’re thinking,” I murmured.
“How do you know what I’m thinking?” She went to work again on getting the fabric out of my zipper. She brushed her fingers against my cock and we both gasped.
Those eyes, crystal blue and fringed by thick, dark lashes shot up to mine and I wanted to kiss her again, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to make Disa anymore uncomfortable than she was.
Disa stammered. “You shouldn’t be kissing me, is what I’m thinking when you just had a baby with my cousin.”
I sighed and shook my head. “I’m not sorry for kissing you, Disa.”
She sighed then she got the plaid fabric unstuck and zipped up my jeans. “Fix your belt. Fix your life. Stop, the weekend drinking binges, Ben. I’ve known you for a long time. This isn’t you,” she informed me.
I looped my belt through the buckle then I tightened it. “Who am I, Disa? I’m not a father but I want to be that little girl’s dad in the worst way.”
She laid her hand against my chest and I found it hard to breath. “Then do it,” she told me, her blue eyes blazed at me.
I slipped the end of the belt through the loop in my pants then I cupped her face between my palms. I stared at Disa. I needed to soak up everything about her features. Her tiny nose. Her full, luscious lips. Her eyes. Those amazing, wonderful, beautiful eyes.
I had let her go once because my father in no uncertain terms let me know that I was no good for a girl like Disa Riley. My own father had said that to me and like a fool I had listened to him.
I was twenty-two and she was twenty-one. Was I ready for a serious relationship? Probably not with just anyone but maybe with her? I would never know now because I had walked away and every day of my life that I saw her I had regretted it and I had to see her. Sherwood was a small town.
She had just stopped seeing a guy, we both knew from high school. I knew this because I kept tabs on Disa Riley. I laid my forehead against hers. “Why d
id you break it off with Kevin?” I asked.
“None of your business,” she declared trying to extricate herself from my embrace.
I backed Disa into the wall refusing to let her go. “Oh,” I mumbled against her lips sending a shiver up her spine. “I think it is my business. Tell me,” I urged her, letting my lips trail across her jaw to that sweet spot on her neck that made her groan every single time. Tonight, was no exception.
Her palms were flat against my chest but not shoving against me. Her eyes were focused on mine. “Ben, don’t,” she pleaded with me.
I kissed her sweet lips making her moan then I stepped back, and her hands dropped to her sides. I couldn’t look at her or I would tell her how I felt about her. I would tell Disa, she was the one that got away. That I regretted ending our relationship six years ago. I would tell her that I loved her still.
Chapter 2
“Elijah,” Jenny poked me. “Jeremiah is crying. I got up with him last.”
I rolled over, covered my eyes and winced. The sun was pelting me in the face. “That’s Asia,” I informed her.