I got it. So I looked at her. “I read you.” I nodded. “I know my brother. So, following that, Keith woulda made sure you got home and…”
She nodded back and gave me a tiny little smile. “Yeah. And…But we weren’t about that. It was just that one night. He was really good to me, and after following me home and making sure I was okay, I asked him in for a drink, as a thank you. And we did some shots, and then…” She clearly didn’t want to finish that sentence, either.
“Yeah, babe, I got the picture. But it still doesn’t all add up yet. Keith was careful—”
“Condoms break sometimes, Jack. You must know that.”
“Oh, fuck. Yeah…You weren’t on the pill?”
“Hi, personal question. And no, I wasn’t. But I am now. Any other intimacies you need me to share right now?”
“Whoa, don’t get your back up. It’s a fair question. Go easy.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. I’m not really used to answering to anybody else. You’re right. You deserve to know what’s what, and why. I want to be honest and open with you about it. I do. You just surprised me. I don’t even know why. Sorry.”
“Stop apologizing, babe. It’s okay.”
We sat there a few minutes, each in our own thoughts. I was the first to break the silence again.
“So, after that night, you and Keith never…”
She shook her head with gusto. “No. Definitely not. No. Just that one night. Not that it was bad—but it wasn’t—no. No.”
She was flustered, and it was damn cute to watch. Her color started rising again, and she was fidgeting with her sleeve again. Damn, this woman had some tells. It was close to hysterical, just to see her squirm.
But I was relieved to hear that she and my little brother had not been in the midst of some crazy big love story, so I let her off the hook easily. I just needed to clarify one more thing before I’d be happy to end this conversation. “What about Keith? Did he want more with you? Or did he feel the same as you felt about the whole thing?”
She chuckled. I looked at her expectantly, my eyebrows raised.
She leaned in close to me, and shared, like it was an insiders’ secret, “His exact words were, ‘Ellie, that was really great. Let’s never do it again.’” And she laughed, right into my eyes.
Chapter 6
Ellie
It felt so good to laugh about Keith with someone who actually knew him—even more than that, someone who had loved him—his own brother. It was a real connection with Peter’s father, despite Keith’s death.
I felt a thousand times lighter, remembering how Keith and I had laughed and hugged after his perfect assessment of our crazy mistake.
It had ended up being a crazy, beautiful, scary mistake—because: Hi, Peter!—but for the very same reason, I would never in my life—ever—want to change the outcome. Despite all the fear and the problems and the worries and everything that had come with Peter’s appearance in my world, he was now the center of my life, and I could not regret the connection with Keith that gave me my son.
Jack didn’t share my laughter, but his eyes smiled back at me. He looked relieved, and he leaned in toward me as well. He got so close, I almost wondered if he was going to kiss me. Of course, Peter chose that moment to announce his awakening, and Jack immediately backed off. I got up to tend to the little bawler.
I’d been in my little room with Petey through half of his nursing session when Jack appeared at the door, one arm raised above his head, leaning against the frame as he silently observed the ritual of breastfeeding. I knew the door was open and I hadn’t taken a blanket to cover myself and Peter’s head as he fed. It wasn’t that I was an exhibitionist, but if I was truly to make myself at home here, this is how I would do it. I didn’t want Peter to feel like his feeding was something to hide—I wasn’t sure if that would affect him subconsciously in later life or not. But also, I maybe wanted Jack to come in, to see us, to see me.
I knew it was probably a bad idea, but I was really turned on by him. I didn’t want to shy away from him or from this connection we seemed to have, even though we’d only known each other for less than a day. It seemed my body was making a choice to leave every door open between us—figurative and literal.
Jack appeared appreciative. After a few moments, he straightened up and entered the room, coming to a stop only when he was right at the side of the bed where he squatted down and reached out a hand to touch Peter’s cheek. I watched the wonder in Jack’s face. He’d probably never been this close to a nursing baby before—hell, he’d probably never been this close to a baby of any kind before.