Throne of Scars (Lost Kings MC 20) - Page 41
A few minutes later, I emerge and find him waiting outside the door.
“Were you afraid I fell in?” I ask.
“Yes.” He rumbles with laughter. “Come here.”
I yawn and slide my arms around his waist.
“Still tired?” he asks, running his hands up and down my back.
“A little. But I want to snuggle with you.”
He lets out a happy sigh and lifts me in his arms.
“Gray!” I hurry to wrap my arms around his neck and hang on tight.
“Shh, I got you.” He settles into the couch with my body draped over his lap. “Better?”
“Yes.” I reach for the blanket folded over the back of the couch and pull it around us. “I’m chilly though.”
He tucks the blanket around me until I’m wrapped like a burrito while holding me close. I rest my head on his shoulder.
“Thank you for everything today.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I had a nice day with you.” He brushes hair off my cheek, tucking it behind my ear.
“You were so…patient.”
Everything Gray’s done since I told him I was pregnant lands on me like blocks of guilt. Shame for running away and making him worry still claws into me every time I think about it. How could I leave with no note, no nothing? He’s been kind and generous toward me from the beginning. Still, I let fear dictate my actions.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper.
His hand squeezes my thigh. Firm but comforting. “What are you sorry for?”
“Running. Instead of talking it out with you. I—”
“Serena, be honest with me.” His stern tone snaps my head up. “What exactly were you thinking? The first thought that popped into your head?”
I wrinkle my nose. “Why am I so damn fertile?”
One corner of his mouth quirks but he doesn’t laugh. “When you decided to leave, what was the one thought driving you to run?”
My hands automatically cover my stomach. “To protect my baby,” I whisper. Tears sting my eyes. “But not from you…I don’t know. I just couldn’t let anything—”
“I thought so.” His knuckles graze my chin and he tips my head to the side, for me to look at him. “Listen to me and let what I’m saying sink into your scarred soul.”
Fear flutters through my chest. “Okay.”
“Your first instinct was to protect my…protect our child. That’s the only kind of woman I want having my baby. One who will do anything to protect him from every threat, no matter what.”
“Him?”
A brief smile flickers over his face. “Or her.” He turns serious again. “Your first impulse was to protect. That’s what a good mother does. I’ll never be angry at you for wanting to protect our child.”
His words and characterization of my actions give me strength. “I couldn’t help it. It’s instinct. Whenever I’ve been scared, I ran. When I was little, I’d hide under my mom’s bed. No one ever thought to look for me there. When I got older and things were bad, the bed wasn’t big enough to hide under anymore, so I ran away. I hid in the locker room at school for weeks until one of the coaches caught me…” My voice trails off as I fight to keep those memories locked away.
“You’re brave. And smart.” Gray’s raspy voice anchors me in the present. “A survivor, Serena.”
No man has ever seen me as any of those things. Hot, pretty, fuckable, good girl, sweet ass, nice tits. Those are the compliments I’m used to receiving, the only things I ever thought made me worth caring about.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“I’m not mad at you for running,” he continues. “We haven’t been together that long. And I think I understand some of what you’ve lived through.”
“Thank you for not using it against me.”
He frowns. “Why would I…never mind. Run when you need to run, Serena. That same urge to get away runs deep in my soul. I understand the need to be free and unchained. Just know that I’ll always come find you.”
“You’re really not mad?”
“No. At the core, I’m a simple man. When I say I want to take care of you, it’s because I care about you. Not because I want you dependent on me. If you ever want to leave, leave. But I’m still going to take care of my kid.”
“I don’t want to leave,” I whisper.
“Good.” His voice lowers. “Because I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Love for him explodes in my chest, but I’m too scared to open my mouth.
He slips his hand under the blanket and runs it over my calf. His rough fingers dip into the ticklish spot behind my knee and finally grip my thigh. “I should’ve said this sooner, buttercup.” He squeezes my leg gently. “Look at me.”
My heart beats faster as I lift my gaze to his.
“I love you. I’ve never felt like this before and never expected to feel this way.”
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