“Right. I can do it myself.”
“I’ll just stay in here, in case you need me.”
She can’t stay in here. She won’t let me do what I have to do. Or maybe she will. Maybe the niceness is fake. How do you tell?
“No,” I tell her. “You don’t have to.”
“Donny, have you ever taken a bath by yourself before?”
I decide to lie. Mommy always watches me still when I take a bath, but I need Miss Ruby to go away. “Yeah. Dale doesn’t get in with me anymore. He says he’s too old for that. So I have to do it alone.”
“You mean your mommy doesn’t stay in the bathroom with you?”
I feel bad about lying. But I still do it anyway. “Sometimes. But sometimes not. I’m getting too big for that too. I mean, I’m a boy and all.”
“You sure you’ll be okay?”
“Yup. I’ll be fine.”
“I’m not leaving you.”
“Please…” I start to whine. “I’m…embarrassed.”
It’s not a lie. Those bad men did things to me. Bad things that hurt. They made me scream and cry, and they laughed. Laughed at what they did to me.
I don’t want this lady to see me. I don’t want anyone to see me. That’s why I’m going to do what I have to do.
Miss Ruby smiles. “You don’t have to be embarrassed. I’m a police officer, and I’d never hurt you. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“But…they did things… Please.”
She sighs. “Okay. Just sit in the water for a while. It will help. There’s a washcloth and towel on the rack. Some shampoo on the shelf if you want to wash your hair. I’ll be right in the next room. Just holler if you need anything.”
“Okay.”
She closes the door, and I step into the tub. The warm water sloshes, and it feels good when I sit down. I like the heat. So I give myself a minute. I sit. And I let it feel good.
But it’s time.
Time to do what I promised Dale I’d do if I ever got the chance.
I slide into the water all the way, head and all.
I hold my breath as long as I can. Then even longer.
I sit up and gasp in a breath.
No. I have to be strong! Strong like Dale is. Strong because I promised him.
I go underneath the water again, hold my breath, until finally I can’t.
I breathe in water. I breathe in…
I breathe in…
I choke. I breathe in…
And…nothing.