Hold on to Hope

Children were born and our families multiplied and it became a haven all of us gravitated to. A place to get away and share in the most important things in life.

Time.

Experiences.

Laughter and support.

They would all be there, the second Saturday in September forever reserved for our campout.

Tradition.

No one dared miss it, and I was having the horrifying premonition that would again apply to Evan.

Evan who’d shared these days with me like we’d been born with the same DNA. Neither of us able to move one muscle without the other one moving one in return.

Magnets.

Beside me, Milo sat in the middle part of the backseat, his tongue hanging out as he panted and whined in his excitement, turning circles in the small spot. My fingers scratched through his fur in hopes to keep him from crawling all over the place.

My sweet old boy.

This was his favorite place, too.

Jack sat on the opposite side of me, Josiah was driving, and Carly rode in the front passenger seat.

Me? I was that girl in the right rear, getting eaten up by the disaster of emotions.

“So, you’ve been coming to this campout every year?” Jack asked Josiah, leaning forward to get his attention.

Josiah lifted his thumbs out from the steering wheel. “Nah, man . . . didn’t start coming until high school. I guess Evan’s parents figured I’d hung around enough through the years that I became some kind of honorable family member. Mars Bar begged ’em to let me come the summer before our freshman year. Have been coming ever since.”

All it took was a single mention of his name for my heart to go skittering into overdrive.

“Mars Bar, huh?” Jack lifted a speculative brow.

Josiah chuckled. “Kid was fucking obsessed with the stars. It fit.”

Could feel the weight of Jack’s attention dragging over to me, heavier than it’d ever been.

Or maybe I was projecting.

“So this guy really got a heart transplant as a baby and is still breathing?”

Protectiveness welled. Sometimes Jack could be so callous and brash.

There was just something about Jack’s tone that got under my skin.

Or maybe it was because that was where Evan really was.

Forever and ever under my skin.

Etched there.

Seared in the marrow and written in the bone.

“Can’t fuckin’ wait to see him,” Josiah cut in, glancing at me in the rear-view mirror like he was wondering if I concurred. “He’s cool as shit. You don’t like Evan then you’re basically a prick.”

His gaze slid back to Jack.

Leave it to Josiah to make it sound like praise when he was delivering a warning.

“If I had to pick, I’d definitely trade both of these assholes for Evan,” Carly said. “He’s pretty much that awesome.”

“Wow. Ruthless.” Josiah chuckled under his breath.

“Huh,” Jack mused, though it came out sounding more like an accusation, looking at me again. “You mean except for the fact he took off and left you all without a word, cool?”

Oh, this really was gonna be fun.

“Everyone deals with their shit in different ways,” Josiah said like he’d already long since forgiven Evan for what he’d done. Understood it from the get-go.

My teeth were rubbing my bottom lip raw, hands going itchy at the way Josiah phrased it. And I couldn’t help but remember the look on Evan’s face that night. I should have known he’d gone to a dark, dark place.

Should have known he wasn’t okay.

But the problem was, I hadn’t been okay, either.

Josiah turned on his right blinker, slowing as we came to the turn off that veered north at an angle to round back up toward the cliff end of the lake. This road was rougher and narrower where it led to the secluded spot on the opposite end of the busy campgrounds.

The SUV jostled down the bumpy trail.

The trees were different here.

Spindly and thin with white, chalky bark. Packed so tight together it looked like they were in standing formation. An army that stretched so high the tops got lost in the bright rays of sunlight that burned from the endless sky.

Road climbing higher, we rounded a bend to a clearing where a ton of familiar vehicles were already parked.

My daddy’s truck.

Ollie’s teal historic one sat next to it. A secret grin pulled at one side of my mouth when I remembered how Evan had salivated over that truck, claiming one day he would own it.

Uncle Broderick and Aunt Lillith’s Range Rover was parked at one side.

Next to it was Aunt Hope’s Volvo.

And there went my breath again. Nerves scattering like the leaves tumbling along the rocky ground.

You can do this, Frankie Leigh. You can do this. You’re a big girl. A brave girl.

But it was hard to convince myself of that when the wind kept gettin’ knocked out of me.

Josiah pulled to a stop in an open spot and put it in park. “This is it. Let’s get this party started, bitches.”