“You all right today, Logan?” Dr. Chauncey asked me. She was new in the history department this year, but my parents had been excited to welcome her into the department. She was great at her job, and I already knew I’d be asking her to write recommendation letters for me when I applied to grad schools.
“I’m okay,” I said.
“Did you go to a big party last night?”
“Definitely not. I can’t say I’m exactly a big party kind of person.”
“Well, take care of yourself,” she said. “I’m just not used to you being so quiet.”
Class was usually the one place in the world I felt comfortable being myself. I never held back. I shared my opinions. I even challenged the ideas some professors had, sometimes. It was like my shyness melted away the moment I sat down in a classroom.
Today had been different, and clearly Dr. Chauncey had noticed.
“I was a little distracted. I’ll be ready on Wednesday.”
“Keep your head on straight, Logan,” she said, nodding as I left the room. I knew she meant well, but it was still embarrassing.
Distracted was one word for it. I’d been lost in my thoughts all day.
In the grand scheme of things, what Brody had done last night was practically nothing. He’d kissed me, not even on the lips. Most people wouldn’t even give it a second thought.
But I could still remember the feel of his face near mine. The soft press of his lips on my cheeks.
And I wanted so much more.
I just had to figure out how to muster the courage to actually get it.
I walked across campus and down the residential streets that led to the bus stop. I was meeting up with Danielle for dinner. She’d insisted on going to Red’s Tavern again and I’d agreed, as long as I didn’t have to drink on a Monday night. The tavern was only a few bus stops away, and by the time I got there the sun was beginning to set, a band of orange and pink settling along the horizon.
Danielle was already sitting there when I got in, deep in a conversation with my cousin behind the bar.
“But that’s what’s so good about them,” Sam was saying, his eyes wide.
“I know,” Danielle said, a huge smile on her face. She turned to see me, sitting up straighter. “Oh! Hey Logan.”
I sat next to her, hanging my backpack up under the bar. “What are you guys talking about?”
“Nothing,” Danielle said, a light blush on her face.
“Vibrators!” Sam declared with a huge smile.
“Oh, God,” I said.
“Sometimes I feel like I’d get less vibrator talk if I worked in a sex toy shop,” Red said, shaking his head and chuckling. He was in his usual Western clothes, behind the bar, the register drawer open as he organized the cash before the evening rush.
“I think you secretly like it, Red,” Sam said. “I mean, you’re in love with a former porn star.”
“Wait, really?” Dani asked, her eyes going wide with excitement.
Sam nodded. “Red’s wilder than you think, behind that stoic expression.”
“I’ve had my own adventures, but I’m settled now.”
“Because you’re in love,” Sam teased him again.
“I’ve got to go restock in the back,” Red said, clearly trying to hide a smile.
“Aww,” Dani said. “I wanted to hear your wild life story.”
“Maybe another time,” Red said before refilling Dani’s beer and then disappearing into the back room.
“Damn, I hope I have such a fun relationship with my boss someday,” I told Sam. “You guys talk about anything.”
Sam shrugged. “Red wasn’t always so soft,” he said. “But he really is like an older brother to me now.”
“An older brother that doesn’t mind you talking about vibrators at work,” Dani said.
“I mean, hey, why work in a bar if you can’t have a good time?” Sam said.
“Swapping vibrator recommendations?” I added.
Dani gave me a wicked grin, pushing her ponytail behind her shoulder. “I was going to spare you the details, Logan,” she said.
“And I will never spare the details when it comes to good vibrators,” Sam said. “I recommended my favorite one to her last week because her boyfriend—”
“Enough, Sam,” Dani said, holding up a hand and biting back a smile. “I promise, Logan doesn’t like hearing about these things.”
My curiosity was piqued. “You’re using it with your boyfriend, huh?” I asked.
“See?” Sam said, nodding at me. “Logan’s not as shy as he seems.”
“I’m still shy,” I said. “Just… curious.”
Dani looked at me. “Okay, you know I’ll tell you anything, but you have to promise not to tell me it’s TMI.”
“Promise,” I said.
“Henry wanted to know what it was like to… receive,” Dani said.
“He wanted to get fucked with a strap-on!” Sam said. A young couple sitting at the opposite end of the bar looked up, laughing.
My cousin may as well have been the opposite of me in every way. I was pretty sure Sam didn’t even know what the word “shy” meant, and he’d certainly never felt it.