I laughed, brushed my fingers through my hair, and shifted around to lean my hip on the island. Changing the subject, I gestured my chin at him. “Mallory said you were about to crack. Something about being at your wit’s end. You good, man?”
“Almost got there when this little guy crapped again, and I realized there wasn’t a single diaper left in the house. Seriously, how many times can a kid this size poop a day? That shit’s just not normal.” He rocked him protectively against his chest, this little peanut wrapped up in his arms, wearing nothing but that towel.
“Pretty sure all that shit is normal.”
He chuckled again, the sound fading out as he gazed down at his little guy.
Everything inside me softened. Couldn’t help it. Was fucking happy for him. “Looks to me like you had it under control.”
He leaned against the counter, holding Collin closer, not even making a move for the diapers.
Guessed he was riding out the calm. The storm passed. Surprised that they’d all made it unscathed to the other side.
His voice quieted with something close to reverie. “Trying hard, man. Most of the time, I don’t have the first clue what I’m doing. So out of my element. I mean, a year and a half ago, would you have ever imagined this would be my life? And then Grace goes and trusts me to take care of all four kids . . . that kind of responsibility still sometimes scares the shit out of me.”
He blinked a bunch of times. “It’s like, sometimes I pause for one second, and that’s all it takes for every mistake I’ve made, every crime I’ve committed, to catch up to me. Then I’m standing there, wondering how this is my life. How it’s possible I could deserve it. Questioning if I really do. Terrified I’m going to fuck it up.” He looked up at me, his throat bobbing heavily when he swallowed. “And I can’t fuck it up, Mack. I can’t lose them.”
My chest tightened. The bullshit the two of us had endured should have been insurmountable. I’d gone one direction. Ian had gone the other.
He’d paid for his crimes, and he’d come out better on the other side. The guy I’d always believed he could be. The one I wouldn’t second guess to call on for anything.
“Pretty sure she trusts you because she knows you can be trusted, Ian. You’re not gonna fuck it up,” I told him, sincerity bleeding free. “Not when you’re doing it with the right heart. Mistakes don’t mean we’re ruining something. It just means we’re learning. Getting better every day.”
He gazed down at his son. “Just want to do it right.”
We both looked up when his oldest son, Thomas, came shuffling into the kitchen.
Ian had adopted all three of Grace’s kids.
Thomas.
Mallory.
Sophie.
He was right.
He’d been given the greatest gift of all, not to mention that little bonus point of Collin who he cradled tenderly in his arms.
Thomas’s socked feet slid across the wood floor, all of his attention wrapped up in his iPad. He barely glanced up, totally absorbed in whatever was on the screen. “Hey, Dad,” he muttered.
When the kid said it, Ian lit up like a lightbulb.
Kind of had one light up in the middle of me, too.
“Did you see that interest rates are expected to go up? Wall Street Journal is reporting it. I think you and Uncle Jace should go for it if you’re thinking about getting something new and you plan on financing. It’s a good time to buy.”
Ian and I shared a glance. The kid was too much. As brainy as they came, always reading all these advanced articles and journals that I wouldn’t have dreamed of reading at that age. Hell, I still didn’t get half the shit he was talking about.
“Oh, hey, Uncle Mack,” he said off-handedly, just then noticing that I was there.
I refrained from using the hay joke on him.
“What’s up, Thomas, my man? I see you’re keeping your dad in line.”
Way cooler, right?
Yeah. I was with Ian. Totally out of my element.
Because I was pretty sure the one I knew about two hookers and a fisherman would be way out of line.
Thomas shrugged a shoulder. “Trying.”
“Come here,” Ian coaxed him softly, and he looked over the kid’s shoulder, reading whatever report it was that Thomas had pulled up. “Whoa, good job finding that. I didn’t hear. Uncle Jace and I need you looking out for us like this.”
Ian dropped a tender kiss to the top of Thomas’ head, lingering a bit, like he didn’t want to let go.
Thomas tipped his head up backward, beaming at him, before he fumbled right back out.
Easy, but the interaction seemed wholly profound.
I met Ian’s eye. “Pretty sure you’re doing it right.” Was doing my best to try to keep my voice from going rough.