Will I be forced to watch as some other guy makes his move on my territory and takes the one woman I couldn’t hold on to… The one woman I want.
I head to my office, fists clenched with the kind of frustration that will remain pent up in me until I see her again. I can’t let her go. But with each passing minute, it seems less and less likely that I can keep her. Her absence speaks volumes.
I haven’t seen her anywhere around the building yet. If she wanted to find me, she’d know to come here. So is this truly it? Are we done for good?
I put my head in my hands. This is torture. I’ve only spent a few hours away from her and it feels like a lifetime.
How am I supposed to go the rest of my life without her by my side?
Will I wake up every morning and feel the absence of her body beside mine? Will she cross my mind constantly, making my heart beat for her, only to never have again like I did last night? Is this agony that comes from not being with her all I will ever feel. That’s no way for me to live, but she is the one with the power to end this. I don't have any choice in the matter. If she walked away, I could chase her to the ends of the earth, but it wouldn’t change how she feels.
I’ve laid out how I feel.
And clearly, I’m not enough.
But I can’t just sit here and wait around. I get up and head out of my office to get some coffee but I’m kidding myself if I think I’m not searching for her. I need to see her, to gauge whether she’s done with me for good. I need to know where I stand. So I spend my morning moving aimlessly through the building, making small talk with my employees, waiting for a chance to see her beautiful face again…
And then suddenly, I turn, and she’s there. She’s standing by the coffee machine, her head bowed as she grabs a paper cup. She looks as miserable as I feel.
But why would she be miserable? She’s the one who walked away this morning…is she worried that she’ll lose her position as an intern if she ends things between us? Of course, I would never do that to her. I’d never see her again, for one thing, but I have no plans to ruin her life just because she doesn’t want to be a part of mine.
I know she’s career driven but I get the feeling that the source of her misery isn’t something as trivial as an internship. Any company would be lucky to have her and she knows it. No, something else is bothering her.
Is there something I’m missing?
A nagging feeling stops me in my tracks. Hasn’t she been cagey since the start? I always got the feeling she was holding something back from me…is that the thing that’s bothering her? Is that why she left without a word this morning?
But what could the issue be? Is she already taken? Is the secret she’s hiding related to me somehow? I have no idea. But all I can think is how much I wish I could make her smile like she did last night. Something happened between then and now to make her unhappy, and I want to solve the problem for her.
I can’t take my eyes off her. She draws me in in a way no one ever has and ever will again. I know she’s going to catch me staring, but I don’t care. When she looks up and meets my eyes, we regard one another silently, pain in both of our eyes. She must be able to see it in me too. So why are we doing this? Why are we not in my office right now, making up for the lost time from this morning? What is keeping her from me?
Her lips part and it looks like she wants to say something. But slowly, she clams up, her lips press together and she shakes her head like she’s mad at herself for even thinking of speaking up. I want to go to her, to figure out what’s going in her head, but she walks away before I can move, her coffee clutched in her hand.
I’m too stricken to move, locked in place by my confusion. Did I do something to hurt her, to push her away from me? Did I miss something?
Because here’s the thing. Last night when she drifted off to sleep in my arms, she was happy. I was happy. Everything was perfect. Our naked bodies intertwined together, her soft body pressed against my hard one. Everything seemed right. And somehow, between then and my waking up this morning, it was all ruined, and I don’t know why.