No, it was more like deep rooted fear.
Fear she would find out before I had my chance t
o convince her of… of what? That I wasn’t as cruel of a bastard as she’d originally thought? That I loved her beyond what logic told me? That my entire being felt like it had been waiting—for her? So close to blurting out the truth—telling her everything.
And then what? She’d laugh in my face. The words about burst from my lips, but I knew no matter what I said, if my actions didn’t match them, the outcome wouldn’t be in my favor.
I was doing a damned horrible job of even getting her to see me as a friend—and as a lover? Something told me I was going backward when I should have been going forward.
Agitated, I clenched and unclenched my fists as I made my way through the dark house. I hadn’t returned since that fateful night with Sariel, not sure why, maybe because this house, this haven reminded me of who I was, and I was trying desperately to be anyone but that person.
I flipped on the nearest switch. Light flooded into the large living room. A place I’d spent many years sitting in, reflecting, reading, shutting out the world because as much as everyone would love to believe that I adored passing judgment on immortal and human beings alike, it wore on me. Half Angel meant that although I was damn good at what I did, I still ached for something more.
“This is…” Stephanie did a circle of the room, her eyes most likely taking in the floor to ceiling book shelves filled with dusty reminders of just how old I really was—manuscripts flooded the large oak desk, ancient scrolls were tossed onto the floor beneath it. A coffee maker older than Genesis sat in the corner near two large purple-cushioned chairs. The bay windows overlooked the lake, and large black velvet curtains were pulled back with gold rope, revealing the beautiful view. “So not what I expected.” She picked up a book and frowned. “You have an original copy of Pride and Prejudice?”
I shrugged. “Never read it.”
She gasped and then closed her eyes, in horror? Disappointment? I wasn’t sure, I wasn’t near as good at reading anymore, but I felt embarrassment wash over me all the same. “You’ve never read one of the most classic love stories of all time?”
“Love story?” I parroted, feeling like an idiot. Why hadn’t I thought of that? Books! I could read books about love! I could give her books.
Stephanie’s smile widened as she opened the first page.
“It’s yours,” I blurted.
She glanced up, her lips curving up into a dazzling smile. “Why, thank you, Beast.”
“Hardly the time to call me names,” I grumbled.
“Um…” She placed the book back down on the table. “It was a joke. You know, Beauty and the Beast? He gives her a library.”
Well damn, and here I just gave her one book.
Another fail.
“I don’t have a library.”
Stephanie pointed around the room. “ Kinda seems like you do.”
“I like to read.”
“I can see that.” Though clearly not romance.
Why was conversation so stilted? And why the hell was I tapping my foot like I was an impatient bastard? I’d never felt so uncomfortable in my life, confidence used to ooze from every cell in my body, I never worked for it, never had to, I knew what I was, and what I was capable of.
Now?
Uncertainty laced my every breath.
“So.” I coughed into my hand and turned around so she wouldn’t see the panic on my face. “I just wanted you to see.”
I felt her come up behind me; the chill caused goose bumps to rise across my flesh. Ice crystals formed along the edges of the windows. “You wanted me to see, what exactly?”
I bit my lip in frustration. “Me.” I hung my head. “I wanted you to see me. It may seem ridiculous, but when I’m not doing my actual job for the immortals or serving my sentence as I’d always put it mildly. I’m here. Reading. Relaxing.” I spread my arms wide, rejuvenating, pushing out the negative swirl of emotions that grate on a person like me—for doing what I did on a daily basis.
“I like it.” Stephanie finally said, her voice husky. “As far as lairs go yours is way better than Ethan’s. Much more gothic.”
I coughed out a laugh. “Yes well, we both know Vampires prefer light to dark.”