I groaned. Defeated again.
“This was better,” Alec said. “Tanner had qualms about attacking a young child. That’s a good way to use your Variation. If you can distract your opponent by eliciting pity for you, then you gain an advantage over him—which you used to full capacity.”
Tanner rubbed his calf where I’d left the imprint of small teeth. “You wouldn’t say that if she’d bitten you.”
I stifled a laugh.
“But you let yourself get distracted again, Tess. You forgot about Holly because you were too busy gloating,” Alec said.
My cheeks burned but I didn’t try to defend myself. Instead I got to my feet and said, “I want to try it again.”
Over the next few days, Alec and I met for training twice a day—in the morning before running practice and again in the afternoon. I was allowed to skip my regular classes so I could focus on the mission—much to Holly’s disappointment. As important as they might have been in some cases, forensic pathology, DNA profiling, and criminology wouldn’t help me much on the field.
By the end of the week, every inch of my body was bruised and I still hadn’t made much progress. At least, that’s how I felt. Holly picked up on my worries as usual. She wrapped an arm around me as we walked through the corridor.
“I’m scared, Holly,” I said in a trembling voice. I didn’t like to admit to weakness, but I simply needed to talk to someone.
She squeezed my shoulder.
From the corner of my eye, I spotted Alec entering Kate’s room. The sighting felt like the last thing I needed. I wished he’d spend his time with me instead, and distract me from my worries. Now I’d imagine them getting it on all night.
“I don’t get why he bothers with her,” Holly said, following my gaze.
“Maybe she’s good in bed,” I muttered spitefully. I didn’t like this side of me but my jealousy kept rearing its ugly head.
We stepped into our room and I flung myself on my bed, breathing in the fresh scent of the pillow.
The mattress dipped as Holly lay down beside me. “Is this about the mission or about Alec?”
I’d whined to her about Alec so often, it wasn’t surprising that Holly assumed he was the reason for my outburst. And while a little part of it was because of him, the mission had started consuming every one of my waking thoughts. I wanted to enjoy what little time I had left in headquarters, but the worry and fear seemed attached to me. “What if I fail? What if I don’t come back because I get myself killed?” I whispered.
Holly sucked in a breath. “Don’t even say such a thing. Major wouldn’t send you out there if he thought there was a chance of getting you killed.” Her words sounded comforting, but I could still hear the uncertainty in her voice.
“But missions are always dangerous,” I countered, “Major wouldn’t make an exception for anyone. And how can he make sure the killer doesn’t get me? He said it himself. Once I become Madison, I’m bait.”
Holly was silent for a moment, her eyes wide and scared.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You can talk about anything with me.” She hugged me and I relaxed against her.
“You know what’s kind of pathetic?” I said, hoping to lighten the mood. “If I get myself killed, I’ll die without ever having kissed someone. Pathetic, huh? Bards will sing about the old spinster Tessa.”
Holly lifted her head, a flicker of her usual self springing into her eyes. She wiped her hand over her nose. “Well, maybe we can do something about the kissing thing. I mean, you’ll totally live but the never-been-kissed part is pathetic enough to fix anyway.” The corners of her lips pulled up and I forced myself to smile back at her.
“Sheesh, thanks! Since when are you so experienced?”
“Since I made out with Tanner.”
“Um, that was four months ago and you were both drunk, so it hardly counts.”
“Whatever.” Holly sat up. “This isn’t about me. It’s about you losing your kissing virginity.”
“Wow, that doesn’t make me sound like a loser or anything.” Engaging in our usual banter felt so good, even if it was only temporary.
Holly ignored me. “If we’re being honest, there’s only one person worthy of the job of kissing virginity thief.” I cringed, knowing exactly who she’d suggest. “Alec. It’s either him or no one. I mean, come on, he’s the reason you’ve been holding off.” She shrugged. “That and we’re a bit short of guys our age around here.”
I bit my lip because it was true. Alec was the reason it had never happened before. I’d wanted him to be my first kiss since the day we met. I wanted him to be my first everything. I was a fucking mess when he was concerned but I wasn’t sure how to get rid of my crush. “I don’t know,” I wavered.