Alec gently closed the door behind him. I turned away and perched on the bed, my fingertips resting on Madison’s hand. Why was he here? Shouldn’t he be off saying goodbye to Kate?
He moved closer. “How are you feeling?”
“How do you think I’m feeling?” His eyes rested on me, kind and understanding, and I had to press my lips together to keep myself in check. I couldn’t risk breaking down now, in front of him.
“I know it’s hard for you.”
I stumbled to my feet. “How would you know? Are you about to lie to a family? Are you about to smile at them, laugh with them, all the while pretending to be their dead daughter? Do you have to look into their faces and see the joy of having their daughter back, all the while knowing that it’s all a lie?”
More words threatened to spurt out; the truth of how scared I was, the worry over making a rookie mistake and ending up dead. But I swallowed them back. If Alec knew just how scared I was, his annoying protectiveness would only skyrocket.
Alec reached out to pull me into his arms but I pressed my palms against his chest. I didn’t want his pity, his consolation. He didn’t let go. The feel of his hands on my arms, warm and comforting, broke my resistance. I let him embrace me, let his woodsy smell envelope my senses, let it carry away some of the pain. I felt my pulse slowing with his touch, felt my muscles relax for the first time in days.
“Tess, nobody expects you to be perfect, to go through this mission like a machine. You’re allowed to be angry and frustrated. And you’re allowed to make a few mistakes.”
That was the one thing I couldn’t allow myself. A slip of the tongue, a single blackout of my Variation and the mission was over—or I’d end up with a wire around my throat.
His fingertips brushed my neck and I melted against him.
“You’re doing this for them too, you know? For Madison’s parents. You’re trying to catch the person who murdered their daughter. Don’t you think that counts for anything? This monster is roaming the streets, searching for his next victim, and you’re the key to finding and catching him. You have the ability to save lives. Just think about it that way.” He brushed back a wisp of my hair. “Everything will be all right. I’ll be there for you.”
How did he always find the right words to sway me? Or maybe it was the feel of his soft touch on my skin. Maybe both.
“Major is waiting,” he said eventually.
I nodded against his chest. Alec gave me a moment to gather myself before he opened the door and called everyone else into the room.
I avoided Major’s eyes but I didn’t miss the look he exchanged with Alec. Two men who looked like they belonged with the FEA approached the bed, though they could have been undertakers in their black suits and ties. They carried Madison’s body off, leaving the bed empty.
I looked at the imprint left by Madison’s body on the mattress. “Do I have to—?”
“We’ll change it,” Major said. A nurse hustled in and busied herself with the bed, stripping it clean and making it up with fresh sheets. She didn’t once make eye contact with any of us. After she’d finished with the bedding, she left without a word. Now it was only me, Major, and Alec in the room.
“Here, you should put this on.”
I took the hospital gown from Major, the fabric crisp and cold under my touch.
“Would you mind?” I glanced at the gown, then at the door. Major went first and Alec gave me an encouraging smile as he followed close behind.
With shaking hands, I put the gown on the bed and started undressing. This was a job, I reminded myself. It wasn’t about my comfort. I peeled off the last of my clothing and slipped the gown over my head. A shiver shot down my back as my body made contact with the cold fabric.
There was a knock on the door. “Are you done?” Major called. He wasn’t one for patience.
I climbed onto the bed and covered myself with the blanket. The door slid open and Major walked in. Alec hesitated but when he saw me propped up on the bed, my body safely hidden from his view, he entered.
There was another knock. Madison’s parents? I wasn’t ready yet. Though, maybe I’d never be.
Major went to the door as Alec sat down on the chair beside the bed. “It’s only a doctor.”
“But he’ll see that I’m not Madison.”
Alec nodded. “It’s okay. Major decided to tell him. He won’t tell anyone.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Major is sure.”
A tall man with a bald head entered the room.