Exhausted, I sank to my knees, still Tessa. It was midnight. I’d been trying to shift for almost an hour.
I fumbled for my phone and punched in the speed dial for Alec. He picked up after the second ring.
“Hmm?” His voice was gravely with sleep and the sound sent a pleasant shiver down my back. “Tess?”
I tried to speak, but the words crowded in my throat.
“Tess, what’s up?” His voice was thick with worry.
“I’m losing it, Alec. I can’t shift back. I don’t know what to do.” I took a deep breath, trying to get a grip on myself.
“Calm down. Tell me again, but slowly this time.”
“I—I’m not Madison anymore. My body changed back to myself and now I can’t shift back. I don’t know what to do. What if I’m losing my Variation?”
I heard rustling in the background and imagined Alec getting out of bed.
“Where are you?”
“I locked myself in my room. Linda was suspicious but everyone’s asleep now.”
“Hang in there. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” More rustling. He was probably getting dressed.
“I could climb through the window,” I said.
“Wait till I’m there. I’ll make sure you don’t break your neck.”
Before I could offer him a witty comeback, he hung up. I cradled the phone against my chest. It would take him maybe ten minutes to get here.
Looking down at my shivering body, I realized I was still wrapped in a towel. I grabbed some clothes from the dresser and slipped into them. The clothes clung to my body, better suited to Madison’s tiny frame.
My phone rang once—Alec. My cue to open the window. The hairs on my arms rose as the cool air hit my damp skin. Alec waited below, dressed in black and one with the darkness. I scrambled out of the window and held on to the windowpane as I slowly lowered myself down.
“Let go,” he said and I did.
He caught me with ease. I breathed in his scent, allowing my cheek to rest against his chest. He didn’t set me down immediately but I wasn’t going to complain. I could have stayed in his arms forever.
“Your hair is wet. You’ll get pneumonia if we don’t get out of the cold,” he said, briefly tightening his grip on me before he put me down. I could have sworn he’d smelled my hair. Sometimes I wasn’t sure what was real and what was merely the result of wishful thinking. Sometimes I didn’t want to know.
We kept to the shadows as we hurried toward his car, which was parked around the corner. The windows in the neighbors’ houses were dark. Apparently, people in Livingston didn’t keep late hours. We closed the car doors quietly, and I slumped against the seat as Alec keyed the ignition. I could only hope the Chambers household would sleep through the night without noticing I was gone. Though, nothing could be worse than if they caught me as Tessa.
Alec looked over at me. “Tell me again what happened.”
As I recounted the story, every word seemed to drain me. He carefully weighed my words before responding.
“Why does it happen? Why do you lose control?”
There could be so many answers to that question. Emotions. Stress. Distraction. Because I couldn’t get him out of my mind. Or because I felt happier in my pretend life inside someone else’s body than I’d ever felt before. Or maybe because I worried we still had no clue who the killer was. The list could have gone on and on.
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s the pressure,” I said eventually.
“It can happen to anyone,” he answered. “Don’t worry, you’re doing a great job.” It was as if he could read my thoughts.
“I’m not. Something is wrong with me.”
“You just need to relax. Let’s do something to get your mind off things.” I hoped the darkness of the car hid my burning cheeks. I didn’t want Alec to know what I wanted to do, what his words made me think of. “There’s a drive-in movie theater just outside of town.”
I’d heard the other girls talk about it in the locker room, and from their stories it didn’t seem like the movie was the real entertainment. That could be pretty awkward. But I heard myself agreeing nonetheless.
Alec pulled up next to the ticket booth where an old man sat slumped against the wall. He looked old enough to have fought in the Revolutionary War and had the scars to show for it. His face looked as if someone had run a rake over it—repeatedly. His chin rested on his chest and I could hear the snores coming from his parted lips even through the walls of the booth. Did he spend his nights like that?
Alec had to knock twice on the window before the old man woke. It took him even longer to wake up enough to serve us. Alec paid for the tickets and a huge bowl of popcorn—reheated and slightly stale. As the buttery smell made its way around the car, Alec circled the lot in search of a good spot. As he eased into a vacant space, I felt the tension leaving my body.