“Yes,” I say quietly.
I hope that if he agrees to this, one day Vaughn will look back on me as the mother that tried to protect him for as long as I could. Not as the mother who murdered his brother and became no better than the man he fears so much.
“I’ll think about it,” he says brightly, getting to his feet. “Come on, kid. Time to put you to work.”
“Wait!”
I quickly get to my feet and Pater lets out a sigh before pushing me back down.
“Stay,” he commands, holding up one finger. “I’m not gonna hurt him, so I need you to just calm down and stay fucking put. I’ll be back.”
Vaughn quietly begins to follow Pater out of the room, and even though I know it’ll fall on deaf ears, I can’t let this possibly be the last time I see him without saying what I feel in my heart.
“I love you, Vaughn,” I call out to him urgently.
He doesn’t return the sentiment. He doesn’t even cast me one final glance, and even though Pater said he’s not going to hurt him, I can’t help but feel like this is the last time I’ll ever see him again.
“Wait,” Pater says to him sternly. “Your mother is talking to you; show a little respect, huh?”
Vaughn clenches his fists by his sides and turns slowly to look at me. We finally lock eyes, but the look he gives me tells me I’ve lost him.
“She’s not my mother.”
Chapter Ten
The pain of his words wounds me as deeply as what I was forced to do to Eloy, but it’s because he speaks a bitter truth. An honesty that is so raw and uncommon in this house that hearing it for the first time since this entire charade started is like a blow to the heart.
I don’t know how long it’s been since they’ve left this room. Time means nothing when everything you love has collapsed around you because of your own actions. When your will is no longer your own and you’re forced to survive by any means dictated to you, you do what you must.
What happens when you choose to fight against the will of Pater is far worse than what I did to Eloy, and what he’s most likely doing to Vaughn. For now, I’ll comply. I’ll listen. I’ll take every blow to my heart until it finally gives out, and because of my choices, I’ll survive.
“Hey, you alright?”
A strong hand rests gently on my shoulder and I shudder. Not out of revulsion, but the need to feel his touch comforting me. Pater may be an evil man when it comes to many things, myself included, but he always attempts to make sure I’m okay.
“I’ll be fine,” I whisper as a tear rolls down my cheek.
He crouches down and uses his hand to gently lift my face up. He’s searching my eyes, looking for some sign of deception, but he’ll find none.
I will be fine.
I always am.
“Come on. You can stay in my bed tonight,” he says, gently pulling me off the ground.
“I don’t...” want to, I finish to myself. While I appreciate his comforting hands on me, that’s all I want. I don’t want to feel him roughly moving inside of me until he’s satisfied himself with no regard for how much it hurts me.
“I’m not looking for anything tonight, Joce. Especially not any arguments,” he replies tiredly. “I just want you to have somewhere comfortable to sleep.”
I let him get me to my feet, but he can tell I have no intention of following him.
“Alright, you’ve got two choices,” he says, rubbing his stubble irritably. “You can sleep in my bed, or I can throw you back into that hole. Ladies’ choice.”
Normally the answer would be simple and instantaneous, but there’s nothing normal about this anymore. Eloy is dead. Vaughn is... I don’t even know where the hell Vaughn is. And the man that took him from me doesn’t seem like he’s going to talk about it, either.
My heart is telling me to accept the oubliette. After all, I still owe him a day in the darkness and solitude, but my mind is telling me to stay in his bed. I won’t be of any use to Vaughn if I’m tired and hungry, and being in the house will afford me the chance to rest and eat when Pater falls asleep.
“I have a condition,” I say, as I wipe away tears. “Will you meet it?”