“I won’t forget about it, but I think you should. You’ve done enough, giving Breccan and Theron the notes about the prison’s layout and location. That’s more than Molly or I could ask for.”
I remember the way Molly had looked at me when she realized I betrayed her. There was no forgiving that kind of pain.
“Thank you for coming and telling me, but I really should get to the ship.” It wasn’t just about Molly, though hurting her was a huge part of it. It was also about Sayer and Jareth.
Not that I could explain that to Aria. They had a family already and now they had Sareth. They don’t need me, no matter how much they tried to convince me otherwise. No one has ever needed me. They have each other. I hadn’t belonged in my own world, so I lost myself in my work. I don’t belong here, so I am going to run.
“I wish you stayed,” Aria says again. She murmurs to the baby as he grunts in his sleep.
“Maybe, after everything is done, I’ll come back.” We aren’t sure what the climate at Exilium will be like or how much resistance we’ll face, so I don’t exactly know when I’ll be coming back.
Sareth could be a few months old, or even a few years. She grew so fast when she was inside me, I’m not sure if the same will be said now that she’s not there anymore. I know Jareth and Sayer will take great care of her. I’ve never considered myself to be the maternal type, but in the days since she was born, all I can imagine are the moments I’ll miss out with her.
Her first smile, her first word, her first steps. Things I’ve never considered to be important before I felt her move inside me for the first time. The same moments Aria and Molly are missing with their family members. Moments I can give back to them. It’s the least I can do.
“Whatever you decide, we’ll support you. I promise,” Aria says, her expression open and serious. Maybe I’ve misjudged her. Perhaps with time, she’ll even become a friend.
“I appreciate that,” I say.
Little Sokko begins to cry and Aria hushes him, humming under her breath. “We’ll walk you. I think Breccan said Hadrian and Theron are ready whenever you are.”
There can be no more stalling. I’ve made up my mind. It’ll be better to get it over with instead of packing and repacking over and over. “Thank you,” I answer.
The walk down the corridor goes by faster than I like. Every second feels precious and now that the time for me to leave has come, they’re speeding by.
Aria is silent by my side, perhaps intuiting my need to gather myself before I see the others. My ears beat with the heavy cadence of my pulse. Everything inside me is screaming to turn around, to run back and find Jareth and Sayer and tell them I made a mistake. My leaden feet carry me resolutely toward Theron’s ship, the Mayvina, as my body goes numb.
Most of the morts and their mates are waiting at the chamber that leads outdoors to the ship. Breccan motions for Aria, who joins his side with their mortling. Emery, with Hophalix in her arms, and Calix beside her, and the single morts hover behind their commander. The only ones missing are the ones I want to see the most. Molly and my two freaks.
Perhaps it’s for the best.
“Ready to get this show on the road?” I say in a falsely upbeat tone.
“What show?” Hadrian asks curiously.
“I think she means television,” Ozias says helpfully. “Like the kind Aria used to perform on.”
“There will be no television here,” Breccan says sternly. “It attracts Kevins.”
Aria smiles indulgently. “She means it’s time to go.”
Theron nods, though he looks doubtful about the whole television business. “She’s not wrong. We need to leave soon so we’ll miss the incoming geostorms. I’d rather not be hindered by a magnastrike.”
Hadrian is uncharacteristically silent. Normally bouncy and energetic, he glowers in a corner, not looking at anyone.
“No, you wouldn’t,” says Emery, sharing a smile with Calix.
I can’t stand to watch them anymore—these people who I’ve come to love as a chaotic mish-mashed family. “Take care,” I choke out as I push into a small, sealed-off room between the corridor and the outside. I’m grateful I’m already dressed in the air-tight suit for travel. I couldn’t wait a second longer surrounded by them and being reminded of exactly what I’m giving up. Using the code Theron told me, I push the button that leads to a ramp where the Mayvina is docked and rush right into the open door.
I don’t even take notice of my surroundings as my vision is so blurred by tears. I stumble blindly through the cabin and throw myself into the first open seat. Going to the prison is the right decision…it just feels so wrong.