“Could have fooled me,” I rasp out, hating how weak I sound.
“I made a promise.” His words are unwavering as he rests his forehead against mine. “I made a fucking promise.”
I believe his promise not to kiss me.
But I can’t trust him not to worm his way inside my mind. He already lives in my heart, and has for a long time. In the course of a few days, I’ve gone places with him I never even thought possible. I’m fucking terrified of where he might try to take me next.
“I have to go,” I croak out, pushing against his solid chest.
He allows me to push him away, his eyes sharp and worried. “We’re not done.”
No, Penn, we’ll never be done.
It’s too late for that.
This mess is too big to clean up.
Penn
When I leave the bathroom, I find the back French doors ajar. I can hear the rain beating down and a chilly draft rushes in.
“Go,” Leah says from behind me.
I whip around and frown at her. My fiancée. Beautiful, but utterly unhappy. I know the feeling. “What?”
She walks over to me and takes my hands. Then, she stands on her toes, bringing her lips to my ear. “It took me a bit to connect the dots, but I see. Just go check on him. I’ll cover for you.”
Abruptly, I pull her to me and squeeze her tight. “Thanks. I’m sorry about all this. We’ll figure it out together. Until then…”
“Cope.”
I swallow down my nerves. “Yeah, Cope.”
“Go,” she urges once more, pulling away to point at the door.
With a quick kiss to her forehead, I tell her goodbye and slip out the back door. As soon as the rain starts pelting me, I wish I’d grabbed a coat. My dinner jacket isn’t thick enough to protect me against the chilling rain.
A shudder ripples through me, but I ignore it as I take off running. Like an invisible wire stretched out between us, I can almost feel the ping of his pain radiating down the line and spearing me straight into my chest.
At dinner—and then in the bathroom—his normal walls were down. Sheer terror shone in his normally smug blue eyes. That one look gutted me. It’s a look I’m responsible for. Something I need to fix.
Slices of pain shred my heart as I run through the rain. I need to apologize. My shit I’m going through isn’t something he deserves to be dragged into. Cope acts tough and like he has it all together, but I know the boy deep inside him. The insecure boy who never felt loved by his father. The boy who hides behind smirks and tattoos and nonchalance.
But that boy hurts.
I feel like I’m the cause of so much of it.
As soon as I hit the tree line, the rain isn’t as heavy. I’m already numb, yet my chest burns from exertion. It’s dark, but I’ve taken this path so many times, I could get there with my eyes closed.
Something slams just ahead. A fist against metal. Pow. Pow. Pow. Swiping rain from my brow, I chase the sound. I slow my steps when I find Cope pacing the front of our secret shed, shaking out his hand. A loud snap under my foot has him pausing, but he doesn’t look my way.
“Cope—”
“No,” he bellows. “I’m done pretending and practicing for you.”
I knew it was coming—what needed to be said—but it still crushes me. “I know,” I call out. “I’m sorry.”
He tilts his head up to look at me. The dark gray glow from the moon through the rain clouds reflects from his pale white face that’s dotted with raindrops. “You’re sorry?” he demands. “For what?”
Slowly, I approach him, my hands held out in a placating way. “For everything.”
“No,” he snarls, storming my way. “I need you to be more specific. A generic apology doesn’t help me narrow down the point where you dug inside my head and scooped out my sanity.”
“Cope…”
He shoves me hard, sending me stumbling back several steps. “You wanted to kiss me? Might as well shove that final nail in the coffin. Come on, McAlister. Kiss me like you fucking whack off thinking about every night. Kiss me and run me off for good because I can’t fucking take this anymore.”
“I told you,” I grit out, “I’m not going to do that.”
He pushes me again, letting out a rage-filled roar. “Do it!”
“No,” I growl. “Now cut your shit. It’s starting to piss me off.”
And just like when we were kids, the two tornadoes collide. He swings at me, but I block his hit, shoving him to the ground. The asshole kicks up at me, nailing me in the thigh. I hiss and grab my leg, stumbling away as he jerks to his feet. He tackles me hard, sending us to the muddy ground with a loud splat that knocks the breath out of me. His fist swipes my jaw, but the rain has it glancing off before it does any real damage. I grab his throat with my good hand and roll him, straddling him beneath me. Even filled with rage and losing his shit, I’m able to overpower him. It’s always been this way. He catches me off guard, but then I pin his ass down when I’ve had enough.