Those pictures do not go on my wall.
I hate they even exist in my mind.
I’m lost to the encroaching darkness. I’m shading in when the ding on the door drags me from the deep place I’ve been shackled to. From beside me, Haley’s headphones are so loud I can hear whichever feminist podcast she’s listening to clear as day. I barely have time to shove my sketchbook away as I meet the brilliant green eyes of Sage.
Sage. Sage. Sage.
All the shadows in my mind scatter like rats as this girl steps right into my world and brightens it up. For one moment, she sees. She sees the real man behind the façade of smiles and jokes and my big mouth.
Heartache, loneliness, and guilt look back at her.
She doesn’t shy away though.
No, Sage with the glittering gray-green eyes steps closer. Her cheeks are pink and her ears are red. Embarrassed and shy, but determined. That small glint in her stare, coupled with the way she lifts her chin slightly, pulls me the rest of the way from my dark, clouded mood and tethers me to her light.
I caught a shooting star.
Lassoed that thing just like Jimmy’s cousin, Buckie, lassoes his livestock when they break free from their fence.
She’s soaring through the darkness and I’ve grabbed hold. I don’t want to let go. I like the feelings she evokes from me. An invisible tug unlike anything I’ve ever encountered before.
“Hi,” I say in greeting, my usually big mouth soft for her. Only for her. Right now, she’s not some coffeehouse patron. She’s my savior. My relief from pain.
She bites on her bottom lip, her eyes dipping for a moment, hidden beneath her dark lashes. “Hi.”
“I missed you,” I blurt out.
Her head lifts. “You did?”
Rubbing at the back of my neck, I quickly recover. “I mean, I missed seeing you in here because I don’t work Tuesdays and Thursdays.” God, I’m such an idiot.
She smiles and arrests my heart. “I know. I came here yesterday and you weren’t here.”
“Same as last time?”
Her brows furl together making a cute crease between them. “Yeah. You remember?”
“I remember everything about you.”
I stifle a groan because that sounds like such a stalker thing to say.
Luckily, she doesn’t seem offended. If anything, she seems surprised. Pleasantly surprised. “Uh, to-go cup though. My dad is in the car waiting for me.”
It’s then I really take in her appearance. She’s dressed impeccably in a demure pleated skirt and a fancy white shirt. Her dark hair is smooth as silk, and for one second, I crave to reach over the counter to curl a finger through the strands to see what it feels like. I fist my hand before I do anything else creepy and fixate on the pearls wrapped around her pink neck. Like a white collar, keeping her captive.
And expensive.
When I glance out the windows, a black sedan sits outside. It, too, looks expensive. This girl is way out of my league. The girls I date are Duncan girls. Fast, loose, more baggage than me.
Not pretty, bright, shiny girls with innocence that drips from them.
I would make her dirty.
“Got it,” I utter, my voice husky. I try to hide my disappointment as I turn my back to her. I busy myself with a to-go cup and make her the same cookies ‘n cream latte as last time. A fancy design with the cream gets bypassed this time because the lid will hide it anyway.
When I turn around, she’s rubbing at something on her hand. At first I think it’s blood, but then I realize it’s paint. Like last time. Crimson and beautiful. I want to ask her what she was painting, but I don’t. I can’t. She deserves someone like one of the guys who comes in here after class. One of those who drives a Lexus, or some other equally nice vehicle, on his way to something great.
Not me.
Not Mars.
I’m just like the planet. Desolate. Lonely. Empty of life.
I pick up a Sharpie and doodle the same dragonfly I drew on Monday at home. Two rings instead of wings orbiting its body. I draw a small dot on one wing ring and a larger one on the other.
Sage and me.
Existing in the same space, but not on the same path.
In another world—another life.
This one, we exist alongside each other but never intersect.
I sign MM for Mars McKinney before setting it on the counter between us. Finally, her eyes lift again to meet mine. Something akin to concern contorts her expression, but I shake it off and offer her my best Mars smile.
“This one is on the house,” I tell her.
“You can’t actually do that,” Haley chimes in. “Dave will fire you.”
Sage flinches as she fumbles for her purse.
I reach into my pocket and pull out a five before waving it at Haley. “It’s on me then.” My eyes meet Sage’s. “It’s on me, Sage.”