At some point I dozed off, only to wake with him still holding me close. His hands are still rubbing up and down my back as he tries to soothe me even in my sleep. Wilder might have deceived me in a way, but I know he’s a good man. I think he’s too good for me. He deserves someone whole and not a girl hiding away from the world.
From the start, he’s been trying to make sure I didn’t freak out on him. I’d just assumed he was my husband when I saw the ring on my finger. I think more than anything I wanted it, and that’s what made it easy for me to believe. I mean, look at the man. Not only that, but with how he’s cared for me since I got here, it’s easy to see why I fell in love. The thought is terrifying because losing him would destroy me. It would be hard to let him go even now, but I can’t imagine what it would be like weeks or months down the road.
There’s no way I’d be able to put myself back together because I’ve barely done it since losing my parents. I felt so damn alone when I lost them, but since I’ve been here in Wilder's home that loneliness is gone and damn, that has been nice. That hole in my heart was forgotten for a bit because Wilder filled it up.
But now it’s back, and all I want to do is forget for a little bit longer.
“Wilder.” I turn in his arms to face him, and I can see his worry over me etched in his expression. “Will you make love to me now?” I ask.
“Bri…” he begins to say, but I stop him by placing a finger on his lips.
“I want this.” I press my body against him, letting him know exactly what I want.
My heart and my head are all over the place, but I do know I want this memory. I want Wilder to make love to me. I now know this is why he’s been holding back on me. He didn’t want us to go that far with that still hanging between us. Again, because Wilder is a good man.
“I don’t think we should.” He swallows, and I can tell he’s fighting against what he’s feeling. If I pushed, I could get him to break because I can feel his erection pressing into my stomach.
“Why?” I ask, confused. Why is he fighting this? He was asking me to stay before, but maybe he’s changed his mind.
“If I make love to you, is there a chance you’re going to walk out of here later?” I open my mouth and then close it, unsure that I have an answer to that. “No,” he finally says for me when I don’t respond.
“No,” I repeat.
“You have no idea how hard it is to say those words to you when all I want is to give you everything. But I won’t make love to you if you’re doubting us. If you think you might leave.”
I close my eyes, feeling guilty. I was trying to use him to make myself feel better, not even thinking about how it would make him feel. Gosh, I’m a horrible person. How did I not even consider that?
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He deserves so much better than me.
“Please don’t apologize to me, Bri.” He drops his forehead to mine. “I love you, and I want what's best for us. What I hope ensures that maybe you’ll be my wife one day.”
“Wilder,” I sniffle. “I don’t know I can give you that. I—”
“Wilder!” Natalie’s voice rings through the cabin.
“I swear, she has the worst timing,” Wilder mutters.
Or the best? I think I need to get out of here, and Natalie is my best option for that at the moment. If the roads aren’t fully clear, I don’t want to risk anyone getting hurt driving on them.
“We’re in here,” I call to her as I sit up from the bed. “I should go, Wilder. I think you need some time to think this over too. I’m not the girl you think I am,” I say, trying to give him an out. He’s such a good man, he’d keep me if he thought it would help me.
“What the hell does that mean?” he asks, confused.
“This happy, full of life girl that’s been locked in this cabin with you. That’s not me. Not anymore.” I wish it was, but I lost her when I lost my parents.
“Y’all aren’t naked, are you?” Natalie calls before Wilder can respond.
“No.” I slip off the bed as she pushes the bedroom door open.
“My phone line is working, and your grams wanted me to check on you.” Natalie’s eyes bounce between the two of us.