You know, the world was ending and all that. Never mind that I’d already lived through something like four apocalypses.
All we needed was the zombies.
Then I really would have lived through all the projected ends of the world.
Well, assuming I survived the zombies. That was undecided. I wasn’t much of a runner.
I skimmed past the latest celebrity scandals right as I finished up. There was always something going on, and while I wasn’t one to keep up on it, gossip blogs were great to read while on the toilet.
Hey, we all have a vice.
I locked my phone and, after throwing my trash in the can, headed out to the main store. I had ten minutes to finish setting up for the class before ten kids descended on my Saturday.
A box by the front door caught my eye as I was walking through. I frowned—I wasn’t expecting any deliveries to the store, and there was no way my usual UPS or FedEx guys would leave a parcel outside in the middle of freaking Main Street.
I quickly unlocked the door and reached down for the box. There was no address on it, just my name written in block capitals.
That was weird.
Was it, like, a bomb?
Oh, my God. What if it was a bomb?
Jesus, Immy, have a word with yourself. Nobody is interested in bombing a small-town art graduate who runs an art store and teaches ceramic painting to kids.
I picked it up and carried it inside, shaking off those stupid dramatic thoughts. I locked the door behind me and set the box on the counter on top of my order book.
This was how the stupid bitches died in horror movies.
I reached under the counter for the box cutter and sliced open the tape. It exploded in front of me with a maniacal laugh.
My entire life flashed in front of my eyes.
I screamed, staggering back onto the small shelving unit behind me. My hand knocked into a vase that went flying to the floor and smashed, making me scream again at the sudden noise.
My heart thundered against my ribs, and I gripped the top of the unit so tightly my knuckles ached.
What.
The.
Fuck.
I blinked furiously, trying to bring focus back to my vision. A clown-like Jack in the Box was taking up the entire counter, and it flopped side to side as it stared at me. It had the most hideous yellow hair and red cheeks, and the manic blue eyes were surrounded by black and white paint, but it was the tongue that really got me.
The tongue snaked halfway up its cheek, and it was the most glaring pink I’d ever seen in my life.
It was absolutely fucking terrifying.
I was going to kill Mason Black.
I didn’t need to look in the box to know if this was his work or not. This was the kind of outrageous shit he loved to pull. In his opinion, if a prank didn’t scare the ever-loving shit out of me, it wasn’t worth doing.
Hence all the spiders.
Well, he’d won, because I was two seconds from calling nine-one-one and getting checked for a heart attack.
I was pretty sure I’d experienced the precursor to one just then.
I grabbed my phone to text him, then stopped. I didn’t have his number anymore, so a texted death threat wasn’t going to do me any favors right now.
No. I had to come up with a way of getting back at him that didn’t involve talking to him.
Unfortunately, that would have to wait, because I had a class to teach.
Damn it.
***
“Tell me again how this works.” Hannah looked the ladder up and down. “How are you going to attach the Jack clown thing to his window?”
“Double-sided sticky tape,” I said simply.
“Double-sided sticky tape,” she repeatedly dryly. “How do you even know which room is his?”
Ah, the hitch in my plan.
“I don’t.”
“You don’t?”
“No. That’s why we’re staking out his house.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but we’re about as sleuth-like as a T-Rex.”
“At least we have real arms,” I muttered. “Look, his payback needs to be severe and swift. I have to get this over and done with and send the message that I know it was him.”
“Jesus, you sound like a group of unhinged politicians waging war in a remote part of the world.” Hannah sighed, pulling her dark hair into a ponytail on top of her head. “I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this.”
“You’re the best cousin ever.”
“Our parents would be ashamed of us.”
“Our parents are on vacation on a cruise ship for a month. They should be ashamed of abandoning us in our time of need.” I pulled two walkie-talkies from my nightstand.
Hannah took the one I pushed her way. “How could they possibly know that your ex-fuck buddy would buy the house next door?”
“I don’t know. I’m just needy, okay?” I snorted. “Let’s check that this works.”