“You know he’s still alive,” Kieran said after a couple of moments. Thoughts of the ever-changing abilities faded. “The imprint is still on your palm. He lives.”
I closed my left hand, pressing it to Kieran’s chest. “But she…” I couldn’t finish.
“He’s strong. You know that.”
Gods, I did know that. But it didn’t change what was done to him. “He has to be in so much pain, Kieran.”
“I know, but he will get past this. I know it. And you will get past this.” His hand tightened in my loose braid of hair. “He is still yours. You are still his.”
Tears stung my throat, my eyes. “Always,” I whispered hoarsely. I forced myself to take a deep, steady breath. “Thank you for…for stopping me.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that.”
“I do.” I lifted my head, and his hand fell to the middle part of my braid. “And I am sorry about worrying you—worrying all of them. I just…I lost it.”
“Anyone would, Poppy.” Kieran slid his arm away and brought his hand up so it was between us. He took my left hand and pressed something cool and hard into my palm. My breath snagged because I knew what he’d put in my hand. “In case you don’t know this, no matter what’s done to Cas, he won’t regret his choice.”
I tried to swallow again, to stop the words from coming, but I couldn’t. “I do. I regret it every moment I—” A soul-crushing sense of loss rose once more, stealing my breath. It took everything in me not to collapse under it and let all the rage and pain consume me once more. To lash out and inflict all that ate away at me onto anyone who stood in my way.
To unleash all the pain until nothing but bone and blood remained.
“Why did he do it, Kieran? Why?” I whispered, my voice catching.
Kieran squeezed my hand. “You know why. The same reason you’d do just as he did if someone was hurting him.”
Gods, I did know the answer. A tremor coursed through me. I would’ve done anything. Because I loved him. Because he was mine, and I was his. My other half. A part of me, even though I hadn’t spoken his name in many weeks. I barely allowed myself to even think it because it hurt.
But his name was love.
It was power and strength.
It would never break me.
Casteel. A shattered breath left me. Casteel. I made myself say it over and over in my mind. Casteel Hawkethrone Da’Neer. My chest felt as if a bolt were tearing through it all over again, but I said his name to myself until it no longer made me want to scream. Until I could say, “Casteel isn’t lost to us.”
“No. He’s not,” Kieran agreed, slipping his hand away from mine.
Slowly, I opened my fist. His…Casteel’s ring rested in my palm, strong and beautiful. There wasn’t a trace of blood on it. Either Emil or Perry had wiped it clean when they took it from the box. “What did they do with the…?” I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
“It’s up to you.” Kieran’s voice was hoarse. “You can burn or bury it. Or one of us can. You don’t ever have to see it again. You don’t need to, Poppy. There’s no reason to.”
I didn’t want to see it again. Forcing myself to do so did nothing but inflict damage. Glancing up at Kieran, I sensed that he had his emotions locked down once more. I knew he did it so it wouldn’t add to what I was feeling.
Kieran was…he was too good.
“Burn it,” I forced myself to say. “But I don’t want you to do it. I don’t want you anywhere near it.”
He inhaled sharply and nodded.
I squeezed the ring. Always and forever. “Was there anything else in the box?”
“A card.”
“Did you have a chance to see it?”
“Only briefly.”
“What did—?” My stomach twisted with nausea. “What did it say?”
“It said that she was sorry to have caused you any pain,” he told me.
There was something so, so wrong with her. But at once, I knew what I needed to do. I knew what had to come next.
Because I could no longer wait.
When I took my next breath, it was easier. “We have plans—ones that are important to Solis and Atlantia.” The next words were hard to speak, even though they were true. “Plans that are bigger than…Casteel and me.”
Kieran said nothing, but I knew he agreed. Even if Casteel stood beside me now, there would still be the Blood Crown. The Rites would continue. Children would be stripped away from their families, either to Ascend or become nothing more than cattle to the Ascended. Innocent people would still be murdered. Atlantia would still run out of land and resources.
All of this was bigger than us.