“The fuck he will,” Kieran said on a growl.
“But he won’t kill you. He would never do that to you.” I swallowed as my throat constricted. “I’m sorry. I am. I don’t want to ask something like that. I don’t want to put that on you.”
“But you are.” His voice had turned hoarse. “That’s exactly what you’re doing.”
“Because I can’t become something capable of leveling cities. I couldn’t live with myself. You know that. You couldn’t live with allowing me to become that. Neither could Casteel.” I folded my hand over his arm. “Maybe that will never happen. I will do everything I can to not let it. But if it does? You would be doing the right thing. You know that. You would be doing the thing that needed to be done.”
Kieran’s hold tightened even further. He didn’t respond. Not for a long time. “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit, Poppy. I don’t think you will allow it to happen,” he told me, shifting his arm so my hand slipped into his. He tangled his fingers with mine. “But if I’m wrong…”
I held my breath.
“I will do it,” Kieran swore with another shudder. “I will stop you.”
Chapter 18
“The people of Oak Ambler are waiting,” Valyn told us as we climbed the tower of Castle Redrock the following afternoon. “They appear rather calm, so that’s good.”
I wanted to agree, but the sobs of grief from the parents we’d met on the road to Oak Ambler clogged my throat. They’d been brought into the city ahead of the others and then led to the Temple, where the remains had been carefully wrapped in shrouds. And then all I could do was watch as their hope gave way to despair. As each of their worlds shattered. The sounds they’d made each time one found their child on the pyres—the raw, pain-filled screams coming from the depths of their shattered beings didn’t even sound like something a mortal could give voice to.
I couldn’t stop seeing, hearing, or tasting it.
I’d given the stuffed bear back to Ramon and Nelly. I’d said I was sorry. I’d said that nearly a hundred times, and it meant nothing. It did nothing. I’d promised this would never happen again, and I’d meant that. But that also did nothing for them.
“Everyone’s present?” Vonetta asked as we entered the small chamber at the top. Naill lingered in the narrow doorway, blocking it as if he expected something to rush up from the stairs.
“As far as we can tell,” Lord Sven said as I walked to one of the small, square windows that faced the oaks along the bluff. Through the trees, I saw glimpses of the draken. “I have one of my men going through the records at the Citadel to see if we can get a better than rough estimate of how many people lived here.”
“A small group of mortals was at the Rise this morning—some of those who remained,” General Cyr said. “They’ve expressed a desire to leave the city.”
“Then they should be able to leave,” Vonetta replied.
“Agreed,” Emil said.
In the ensuing silence, Kieran touched my shoulder. He’d been quiet all morning. He wasn’t angry because of what I’d asked of him last night. I didn’t pick up any of that from him. Nor did I think he’d lied when I’d asked him five hundred and five times since I woke if he was. He was tired and troubled.
I cleared my throat as I turned from the window. Sven and Valyn looked at me, waiting. “They should be allowed to leave if that is what they want.”
Neither Valyn nor Cyr appeared entirely thrilled by that.
I swallowed again, pushing the knot further down. “If anyone wanted to leave their city to move closer to family or seek better opportunities, they’d have to gain permission from the Royals,” I told them, remembering the requests that had been brought before the Teermans during the City Council meetings held weekly. “It was rarely approved. People should have that basic freedom in Solis, just as they do in Atlantia.”
“I agree, but during a time of war? And with the Craven?” Lord Sven began. “It may not be the best time to allow that freedom.”
“I understand the hesitation to allow this. I would rather no one choose to leave because of the dangers that choice incurs. But if we prevent that, they have no reason to believe that it would be temporary or that we have no intention of continuing to suppress their rights.” I looked to the dark-haired general. Cyr would remain in Oak Ambler to protect the port and the surrounding lands with a part of his regiment. The remainder of his force would be absorbed into Valyn’s. “They should be reminded of the risks, but if they insist, then we allow it.”