Maybe he mistook my silence all those nights for disinterest, but little did he know that I was so infatuated with him that I wanted to enmesh myself in his world until we became one—stupid me. My eyes landed on the little red circle, only one more month, and I’d have to move closer to town.
Has it really been that long since I left home? Time really had flown. I’d followed dad’s case online, looking for any bits and pieces I could find, but because he was of no importance, there hadn’t been much to go on—just a small mention in the police blotter back home. Maybe I’ll reach out to him at some point when he gets out; who knows. Some days I just want to leave that whole life behind and never look back.
I went into a deep depression after first leaving the state. I went for days without eating, missing Gabriel so bad with every mile I put between us that even the thought of food made me ill until I passed out on the street one day in front of a group of strangers who took pity on me and came to my aid even in the middle of a pandemic.
I was taken to the emergency room at the local hospital in the third or fourth town I’d wandered into on the bus. I was still too afraid to get my license at that point, afraid that even with all the steps I took that Gabriel might still find me.
I was out for almost half a day only to wake up to the staff hovering. I had no ID on me, so there was no one to call, my information was locked away in the little out of the way hotel room I’d rented when I got into town a few days ago, and because the town was so small, and no one recognized me, they almost called the cops. Thankfully I woke up just in time.
When they told me what I’d done to myself in the time that I’d gone without eating, that I’d almost taken a life, I made up my mind then and there that I was going to get myself together. I had to live. I had something to live for other than Gabriel Russo. I could almost hear my mother’s voice in my ear urging me on. I wanted to make her proud.
Before I left that little town, I did some research and found this place off the beaten path. It was as far removed from civilization as one could get without falling off the edge of the earth. I spent my first days here in a daze, scared and alone but with a new sense of joy that could not be beat.
Slowly, gradually, my mind turned to other things than what I’d left behind, and I found a new purpose. There wasn’t much to do here, even after I paid an arm and a leg to get internet set up, which I thought would be impossible so far off the grid, but with the right amount of money, you can do anything. It cost thousands, but in the end, it was done.
There was nothing for me to do here except enjoy nature. The lakes and streams that run through this place are picture-perfect, and I think catalog worthy, and I get to enjoy it every day. Of course, I grew bored with my days, and the fear of being out here alone was almost crippling at first, but the more time went by undisturbed, the more at ease I became until it started to feel like home.
Still, I needed to do something with my days instead of just wiling the time away and counting down the minutes. I could’ve gone into town during the week and signed up for school with my new name and falsified transcripts, but the thought of sitting in a classroom all day didn’t appeal.
So, I put school on hold for a while until I decided to sign up for online classes once the internet was up and running. I thought Gabriel every day, and when I didn’t think of him, he invaded my dreams to the point that I’d sometimes wake up in such pain it was hard to escape.
I ran my fingertip over the little red circle on the calendar with a melancholy smile. It’s been a while since I’ve hated him, not that I ever really did. But once the anger and hurt wore off, I found it hard to hold on to the anger; besides, he’d given me more than anyone else in this world ever had, even though he may never know it.
DRACO
“So, where we at now? Still nothing?” All four of them shook their heads at me the same way they’ve been doing every time I asked for the last eight months or so. I’m beginning to think we’re never going to find this kid, and I’m not sure what that means for my son. Watching over him is like babysitting a tiger; you never know when but there’s always the possibility that he’ll strike.