Heart Shaped Spotlight

I placed the contents one by one in her upturned palm. There was a tiny photo of us together, and she immediately smiled. “I remember that photo,” she said softly. “That was taken in the park by the lake.”

“Yeah, and that was the same day we found those matching pink stones.” I pulled out a rock the size of a pea. I knew that she wouldn’t still have the matching one, but could see that she remembered.

Then I pulled out a little silver and amethyst ring, setting it in her hand.

“I’d like you to keep that. I don’t expect you to wear it,” I said quickly. “But I’d like you to have it as a friendship ring. Stick it in a drawer, or something.”

“You’ve… You had this on you?” Her voice was strained, her hands fluttering as she held the silver and violet circle in her palm.

I shrugged, trying to look casual and hold on for just a few more minutes. The need to completely fall apart was weighing on me, but I couldn’t do that to her.

“Yeah. You’ve always been my good luck charm, Trisha. I kept that ring over my heart to bring you to me someday. So you should have it back now that things are over.”

I couldn’t meet her eyes. I couldn’t speak anymore. I stood up, realizing there wasn’t any more to say. Turning quickly, my feet thudded heavily as I slowly walked away.

Her choked little sob felt like it stabbed my heart. I kept walking. A louder noise nearly tore me in two. Swallowing hard and forcing myself not to blink, I kept walking.

The tortured wail came from behind me, freezing me in my tracks. “Wait.”

Chapter Twenty Five ~ Trisha

* All I Had Of You *

My guts took over, kicking my brain out of the way. I was on my feet before I realized I’d moved.

“I need you,” I choked. I didn’t mean to say it. I tried to stay quiet. Then I blurted, “I love you but I’m petrified.”

Nate rushed to me, sitting me back down and cautiously taking my hand. “Talk to me. Slow is fine.”

He understood me. Even when he was pushy and didn’t know when to let things go and had been keeping me on an unattainable pedestal, he was kind to me. He was… mine.

“Knowing that you could let me go means that you would let me go if I was bad for you. Right? You wouldn’t stay with me out of some feeling of obligation?”

“I wouldn’t want us to be together if we weren’t good for each other, no,” he said softly.

“I can’t…” Collapsing into tears, Nate grabbed me, clutching me to his chest.

“Shh, I’ve got you, baby. Take your time.” He held me for a moment, stroking my back.

Then he shifted so that there was a little space between us, holding my hands as he gave me a nod. We took a slow breath together, timed perfectly. Instantly I calmed down a bit.

I grabbed a tissue from my purse, trying not to dissolve into a total mess, but I knew he didn’t care. A moment later, I was able to drag in enough air to speak.

Wiping my eyes again, I sounded as fragile as I felt. “I can’t be your dream girl. Anybody’s dream girl. It’s like being held captive by what someone thinks I should be and I’ll second guess every single thing I do and my life will be hell.”

Nate just held my hand, reaching around with the other so his palm was circling my lower back.

I spoke slowly. “If I know that you could let me go… then maybe we could also take a step back? Starting out a relationship as if it’s the ultimate thing on earth is too much. Intimidating. I can’t live up to whatever you might have been thinking for so long.”

“Okay. We could slow down,” he murmured.

“I know it’s impossible, but what if we started at the very beginning?”

Nate’s lips were quivering as if he were afraid to even breathe. “What exactly do you mean?”

“You looked for me for so long, and now it’s like if either of us messes up, we’d have that hanging over us. That we ruined this mystical thing that was meant to be. Can we pretend that we met in a bar last week and just date?”

“What would you want to do that would be different?” He straightened me up so that he could look into my eyes. He looked concerned, but so hopeful.