‘I didn’t have everything, Jared,’ she said painfully. ‘Sure I might have had things and money. But I was lonely. So lonely and I saw you and I knew there was something in you that fit with me. And then when I got sent away? I hated you for that. I blamed you. I was so hurt.’
His arms were right around her now, cradling her close.
‘Seeing you again it was like being in a time warp—all those feelings for you just came rushing back.’ She’d been sixteen again and as out of control as ever. ‘And they just grew. You were everything I’d thought you’d be and then so much more. The more time I spent with you, the more I wanted—all of you. Until you said you’d get an apartment for me.’
‘That ended it for you.’
‘It had to. I wanted so much more.’
‘Was it fair of you?’ he asked softly. ‘To walk out? Without even talking to me?’
More tears tumbled as she absorbed how much he’d been hurt too. ‘I couldn’t bear for you to reject me again. I had to be the one to go. It had to be my decision.’
‘I’m sorry. I wasn’t rejecting you like that. You were in no condition to make love—as desperate as I was to. I didn’t want to do that again until we’d sorted everything out.’
‘You should have told me.’
‘You were hysterical.’ He tilted her chin and looked right into her soul with eyes that begged her to believe him. ‘I never meant to hurt you.’ He took a breath and said it again—the most important thing with the most intense conviction. ‘I do love you, Amanda.’
She tightened her hold on him, suddenly terrified at what might not have been. ‘If I hadn’t run into you tonight we—’
‘I knew you were going to be here,’ Jared said. ‘I was completely unprofessional and bullied Bronwyn into telling me where you were working. I couldn’t stand another day without seeing you. But I wanted to surprise you, wanted to see your reaction. To see if—’
‘I’ve never stopped wanting you.’ She ached with the need of him, feeling it bite now, knowing he’d come for her, knowing he loved her.
‘But it’s more than that, isn’t it?’
She nodded.
‘Amanda, my feelings for you terrify me. The thought of losing you terrifies me. But I couldn’t bear it if you didn’t feel the same.’
‘I love you.’ She’d say it a million times a day if that was what he needed.
‘You better mean it.’ His arms held her tight and his head rested on hers. ‘I’ll never let you go. Not now. You’ve given me everything I never had, you know that, don’t you?’
She did; she was just so incredibly relieved he wanted it. ‘There’s more to give.’
He looked at her.
‘We could make a family together, Jared.’ She spoke faster, seeing the shadows gathering in his eyes. ‘We could be the parents we always wanted but didn’t get. We’d shower them with love. Be there for them.’
‘I don’t think I know how to be a parent, Amanda.’ He shook his head. ‘I didn’t have a very good example.’
‘We’ll learn together.’ She smiled, leaning against him. ‘We’re good at learning—even if it is slow.’
‘You’re not a slow learner, sweetheart.’ He blew out a shot of air. ‘OK. We’ll learn together.’
‘You’ll be great, Jared. You’re great at everything you do. We can have everything together.’ She hugged him close. ‘Everything that matters.’
Hope. Faith. Love—a family.
‘Don’t you ever walk out on me again.’
Had he just cracked one of her ribs with the tightness of his embrace? She didn’t care. All she wanted was to fill this gaping great ache inside him.
‘I want to be with you for always. Believe me when I say it, Jared. I love you and I will never leave you.’
‘Not until death do us part?’
‘Not even then.’
‘So you’ll marry me?’
‘Just try and stop me.’
‘I wouldn’t dare.’ A smile. Finally, a huge delicious smile spread over his face. ‘What Amanda wants, Amanda gets.’
‘Yes.’ Her eyes were overflowing again. ‘I’m thinking soon. Really quiet and quick. Just us so we can get on to the good bit as soon as possible.’
‘You don’t want the big performance?’
‘I just want us. All that matters is me and you.’
‘What about your grandfather?’
‘Oh,’ she half sobbed. ‘He doesn’t have long, Jared. And I’d like him to be there.’ She felt his uncomfortable twitch, the tiny withdrawal. She had her suspicions as to why. ‘Want to know what I found?’