I stopped and turned to him, he was staring back at me. I closed my eyes as I school my emotions. I did as he asked and I went to him, sat down and slowly lied down next to him. He cuddled me into his chest.
If he kicks me out in the morning for having a weak moment…then so be it.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
APRIL
I don’t know if I can cry. I can’t feel the tears, but if I could I know I’d be crying right now.
Why?
I don’t know.
I’m confused.
I’m happy, and I’m sad at the same time.
I’m relieved as much as I am jealous.
How stupid is this?
Why didn’t these feelings leave me when I died?
Isn’t that what death is supposed to be? All emotions, all the burdens that weight on your shoulders dies with you? But like all the other things in my life even my death seems different somehow.
I watched them with my departed heart, but that doesn’t stop the pain in me. I should have been the one he hugs, he caresses, and he kisses. I should be the one who helps him when he is down, but I’m the one who breaks him, and she’s the one who can help him. I am not. He deserves to be happy, he needs to let me go and deserves to live his life.
I want him to smile again with the smile I fell in love with at first glance. I want him to care for someone like he cared for me. I want him to love again like he loved me.
And I want him to be loved… just like the way, I loved him, and I will forever love him.
So, I smile…
I smile for losing my love in front of my very eyes.
I smile because I want him to fall for another woman and I try to hug myself just to save myself from shattering to pieces.
I smile when I hear him say he wants her to stay.
And I smile as I leave them alone in the same bed… where I should have been.
CHAPTER TWELVE
ASHTON
Without waking up Acacia I slide from the bed, feeling like shit. The regret and confusion are messing with my head. It’s not fair on Acacia, but I can’t stand to look at her right now. She is the reason why I feel so much regret. She is also the reason why I’m thinking less and less about April each day.
Yet, I keep leading her on. I keep sending her mixed signals. I keep letting her feelings grow for me.
What did I do? What kind of a bastard I am for leading her on like that?
I look at the fridge, kind of hoping to see another message on it, but there is nothing this time.
Why would it be? If April is writing those messages, then she would have left me after everything I did yesterday. She would hate me, I’m sure.
I put my hands on the countertop as the pain wrecks my body. This is even worse than watching her die; this is like losing her all over again. I can’t breathe, and I can’t think.
All I feel is regret and anger… at myself, at Acacia. I dial the number to find out if the road is open and sigh in relief when I get the info I’m hoping for. I shouldn’t have let her into my house. I shouldn’t have let myself care. Now, I’ll drop her off at her house and forget about her.