“And I hate you because of this back and forth!” I snap at him.
Before I can take a breath or think this could be wrong, Ashton crashes his lips to mine. I moan loudly with the mixed sensations of shock and lust. He roughly increases the pressure against my lips until I push back against him, my hands go to his hair, and I roughly pull him closer, making him groan with pain. His tongue seeks entrance to my mouth, licking, biting, and sucking ‘til I open up a little for him. His tongue finds mine, owning me and tangling in desperation I match him, giving him back just as much. Every feelin
g I’ve had for him over the last couple of days, wow - how has it only been days?
I feel like I met him so much longer than a few days ago. Sadness, anger, confusion, lust, it all goes into this one kiss. I may never get this chance again.
I place my one hand on his face, feeling through his beard remembering how it felt on my fingertips the last time I got this close to him.
He pulls his lips from mine, moving his mouth to my neck and continues his rough kisses. I know he will stop any second and regret it, if not now he will regret it in the morning.
The thought pains me, “I hate you,” I whisper even though it’s total opposite of my feelings.
Ashton lifts his head and smiles at me before catching my lips for another intense kiss. His tongue almost fights with mine for domination desperately, so I surrender to him.
Finally, he stops to look at me. A tear makes its way steadily down my cheek until it hits his thumb and he wipes it away.
“I hate you,” he whispers with a smile on his face.
Pushing the hair from my face, he leans down to kiss my forehead. I melt into his arms as he holds me close and realize in that moment that I need him more than my next breath and I’m irrevocably in love with Ashton Kennedy, but instead I whisper, “I hate you, too.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ASHTON
I try to remember my whereabouts as I look at an unfamiliar ceiling. A warm body is flushed to my side on the couch, we are tangled up in each other like vines of ivy. My head is throbbing because of the alcohol I consumed last night.
Taking a deep breath, I look down at the woman next to me, Acacia… she looks so peaceful as she sleeps on my chest. Slowly caressing her blue hair, I smile at the absurd color. Her eyes flutter as she moans, moving closer to my body.
Reminiscing the night - or early morning - I close my eyes with the guilt that consumes me. I came here to balance my life, to freely feel my pain from losing April, to grieve yet all I managed to do is complicate my life more and more, pulling her into my fight with me.
I groan when I remember her trusting eyes last night, but also, I remember seeing her pain as she tells me that I would regret this when I woke up. It’s so sad that she’s right. It’s so sad that I acted that bipolar towards her that she knows my reaction in only a few days.
Fuck! What have I done?!
“Awake and regretful, yeah?” she whispers in remorse.
“Acacia-” I start but trail off as I don’t know what to say. She slowly sits up and looks at me. I was expecting to see her hate in her gaze, but instead, she smiles sadly and caresses my face the way she always does.
“Go, Ashton. Leave. I can’t accept you showing up on my door and regretting it the next day. I don’t want to be anyone’s mistake. I want to be someone’s reason, Ashton. You need time… take it and come back when you’re ready to let me in your life,” she whispers. Her eyes are shining with unshed tears.
“Acacia-”
“Shh… it’s okay. I’m not angry at you. Just please, don’t make me fall in love with you if you’re not ready to try.”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nod and sit up. It could have been so easy for me to let her into my life if it was later on. But not now… not when I’m still trying to fight against my own demons.
Heading toward the door, I say over my shoulder. “You’re too early for me.”
She smiles through her tears before saying, “I hope you won’t be too late for me.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
ASHTON
Two Weeks Later
Cold.