"I've got an appointment to see you," explained Nicola.
"Do you KNOW who I AM?"
"Well, yes," said Nicola. "You're Princess Petronella. My name is Nicola Berry. I'm the Earthling Ambassador. I'm here to discuss your decision to turn Earth into a giant intergalactic garbage can."
"BORING!"The princess yawned without bothering to cover her mouth. She grabbed the gift from Nicola and tore off the paper.
"What's this? The last people got me a pink pony!"
"That's Earth," said Nicola. "That's the planet you want to destroy."
"BORING!"
She was the rudest person Nicola had ever met in her entire life.
"Well, it's not boring for us," said Nicola. "How would you like it if somebody decided to turn your planet into a garbage can and you walked out of your front door to see garbage flying down like rain? Imagine having to move to Planet Bore because last time you tried looking up at the sky, somebody's old tea bag landed SPLAT on your face because that person had bad aim and missed the opening!"
"Ha!"The princess giggled. "That's funny. Go on.You're becoming more interesting now."
"Have you ever been on a vacation to Earth?" asked Nicola.
"I go to much more interesting planets for my vacations," sneered the princess.
"Well, Earth is a phenomenal planet!" said Nicola. She'd never really felt proud of her planet until now. She spun the globe for the princess as if she was trying to amuse Katie's little brother, who was two. "It's got everything--big countries, tiny countries, mountain ranges, deserts, oceans, and seas." She wished she'd listened more in geography--there were probably lots of amazing things about Earth she was forgetting. She hoped the princess didn't ask her to explain latitude and longitude.
"What's an ocean?" asked the princess, stretching her legs out on the bed in front of her. "You're getting boring again."
"It's like a gigantic beautiful swimming pool that stretches as far as you can see," Nicola told her. "Oceans are salty and blue and the water goes up and down, so sometimes when you're swimming, you feel like you're on a roller coaster!"
"Huh."The princess raised a nearly impressed eyebrow. "That sounds pretty good."
Nicola's heart started to lift. She was going to convince her! She was going to do it! She was going to be a hero!
"So, could you please change your mind about making our planet into a garbage can?" she asked in her humblest, most polite voice. "It's just that if you did it, we'd all have to leave and there's no space on any of the other planets to take us and eventually we'd all die and that would be a terrible thing to have on your conscience."
"Mmmmm."The princess spun the globe around and then stopped it and tapped her fingers. Nicola noticed she was tapping them against the Indian Ocean.
"Well, all right," said the princess. "I won't turn Earth into a garbage can."
Nicola's knees wobbled with relief. She imagined how famous she would be when she got back to Earth. She'd probably have to do television interviews.There might be a public holiday every year on her birthday, just like the queen's. Maybe her face would appear on a postage stamp. She'd have to make sure she didn't let it go to her head. "I'm not a hero," she'd say quietly. "I just did what anybody would do."
"HA HA! GOTCHA!"
The princess was up on her knees on the four-poster bed pointing her finger at Nicola and laughing hysterically.
"I beg your pardon?" Nicola felt sick.
"I PLAYED THE BEST TRICK ON YOU!"The princess's pale face was pink with delight.
"You mean, you haven't changed your mind?" asked Nicola.
"Of course not! Why should I care about a stupid planet filled with stupid short people like you? I think it will make a perfect garbage can. And I don't care what happens to all of you because I don't HAVE a conscience!"
Nicola felt red-hot rage puffing out her body. If she got any angrier, she might pop.
With her fists clenched tight, she said, "This is PREPOSTEROUS! You can't do this!"
"Oh yes I can, Miss Big Words."The princess pointed at her tiara. "I'm Princess Petronella, remember? I'm in charge of this planet, and if you don't like it, tough luck! Okay, time's up, you're dismissed."