I thought he’d launch into his explanation but instead he tugged a brown elastic from his wrist and gathered his hair up into a messy bun at the back of his neck.
“Fin? Are you okay?” I angled my head so I could meet his downcast eyes.
“Yes, I’m just trying to think of a way to explain the severity of what he’s asking from us.”
I took his hand. “It’s not us. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I’m the one who asked for their help, and I can be the one to pay the price.”
“Don’t be too hasty here. Let me explain what someone would face doing this.”
I released him and grabbed my abandoned drink. “Okay, shoot.”
“Running through your magic naturally is how your body is supposed to work. By offering your magic up to be taken, to be used by someone else, it’s like ripping out a piece of your soul and handing it over to a stranger. It’s not something to be taken lightly and it’s highly unusual for anyone to agree to it.”
I nodded and considered the information. Also, the slight tremor in his voice. It wasn’t just the magical sacrifice, but he feared something.
“What are you afraid of?”
He forced out a breath and it sounded almost like a growl. “I’m scared of not being able to protect you. I’m scared of you giving up too much that you don’t even realize you’re offering. Is it really worth this sacrifice?”
“To remove a major weapon from Esteban’s hands? Yes, it is.” It baffled me that he couldn’t see our reasoning. And yet, fear must be what blinded him to reality. After all, the knife took the Captain’s life, and it almost got him too. I set my glass on the coffee table.
Once we took this step forward, it was as good as agreeing to face Esteban again. Right now, safe together, we could pretend that final battle would happen in some unknown future, eventually. Agreement would put the plan in motion and that plan, once again, would lead to facing someone who had taken so much from both of us.
I shifted closer to him and took his face in my hands.
“I understand what you are saying, and I hear what you’re not saying. I don’t know if it’s the bond or what, but I can feel how scared you are.” I pressed my forehead against his. “I don’t want you to think I’m running into this headfirst because I’m not terrified. I am. I’m so scared of losing you, of dying, and yet, I know we can’t just stay in limbo and wait for him to come to us again.”
His forehead rubbed against mine as he nodded. “I know. I feel you too. And it is the bond, but it’s also a connection we share, the same one we had since we met.”
We stayed that way, our heads together, sitting in silence. .
“I’ll be the one to do it,” I whispered, at length. “I know you want to but you’re stronger magically and if I need protection, I trust you to do it.”
He captured my face and brushed his mouth over mine. “You’re so damn strong. The strongest person I know.”
I laughed. “I’m going to remind you that you said that the next time you argue with me about something I’ve done or want to do.”
“Like now?”
I kissed him, and as I tasted whiskey from his lips, I knew I’d make this choice for us over and over again.
When I pulled away, Fin said, “Don’t think this means I agree with what you said. I don’t think you should be the one to give up your magic. It’s too unpredictable at the moment. We don’t know how much they would need or even how it might affect you to lose it.”
Damn him and his logic. “I get that, but as I said, if it comes down to a magical fight, I definitely want you on the front line if it’s only one of us.”
He narrowed his eyes and lifted my chin with his thumb to force our gazes together. “You’re strong, but stubborn. So damn stubborn.”
I laughed. “Sadly, that won’t be changing anytime soon. Besides, I’m sure you knew that before we even met. It’s the number one complaint from Hawk and the Chief...hell, probably the Captain too if I ever let him register an opinion.”
Taking hold of his belt loops I tugged him tighter into me. “And I’m not afraid to use my wiles to convince you to let me do this.”
His eyelids slid to half-mast, a dreamy look entering them. “You think I’m so easily swayed?”
Even as he said it, I could feel him growing hard against my belly. “Oh, I do. You did say you didn’t get out much before me. Am I safe to assume you weren’t running around dating as well? How long had it been before our first time together?”
“I’m not answering that,” he said. His eyes crinkled at the corners. “It may have been a while, but I assure you, I’m perfectly capable of seeing to your needs.”
I nipped his bottom lip with my teeth. “Oh, I know.”