His room was dark, lit only by the moonlight coming in from the large windows. His bed was large and I couldn’t wait to feel his weight pressing me into the mattress. But first, he kissed me, long and slow, like we had all the time in the world. Again, I pushed away the thoughts of Ben and Hannah and all the reasons why being with Ash was a big mistake. Instead, I pretended like we did have all the time in the world. I snaked my hands around him, sliding my fingers along the back of his neck.
“I love how you make me feel, Ash.”
“How’s that?” He murmured against my neck, as his fingers undid the zipper of my dress.
“Safe. Sexy. Alive.”
He lifted his head and looked me in the eyes. “I want to make you feel like that always.” He pulled the shoulders of my dress down my arms, and I stepped out of it. His eyes registered the lacy bra and panty set I’d put on. “Did you wear that for me?”
I nodded. “Yes. Do you like it?”
He ran a finger along the lace of the bra cup. “It’s fucking sexy.”
“What about you?” I asked, undoing his pants. “Anything special under here?”
He grinned. “Why don’t you find out.”
Slowly we undressed each other, Ash distracting my efforts to get him naked with his kisses and caresses. Finally, he lifted me and laid me on the bed, and as I’d wanted, his body came over mine, pressing me into the deliciously soft mattress.
“I plan to use up all this space we have,” he said as his hands roamed my body.
“When will you start?” I was burning up with the need for him.
He laughed. “You’re impatient.”
“I’m worried your ability to hold back suggests you’re losing interest in me.”
His eyes narrowed. “Never, Beth.” His lips came down on mine, this time harder, more desperate, as he ground his hard cock against my belly.
The words ended then, and yet the way he kissed me and touched me told me that the things he said before were true. I devoured his love and at the same time, my heart was breaking that this wouldn’t last. It couldn’t last. I worked to push it away so I could focus on him and this moment. I tried to let him know through my kisses and caresses that I was with him, at least at this moment and that I loved him too.
After he touched every inch of my body, he reached over to his bedside drawer and pulled out a condom. He sheathed himself and he pulled me over him.
“Take what you want from me,” he said, his voice rough with desire.
I straddled him, marveling at the hard length of him. The six-pack of his abs. The chiseled lines of his chest. The ridiculously handsome face. I lowered myself over him, making him mine, even if it was just for this moment.
“Ah, Beth.” He levered up, wrapping his arms around me, and taking my lips in a passionate kiss that stole my breath away.
When he pulled away, our gazes held as I slowly rocked over him. His dick pulsed inside me. For a moment, I wished I could take off the condom and do it like we’d done the first time. I wanted him… all of him without any barriers. It wasn’t possible, of course. Not unless I wanted a second child. My heart cried out, yes, yes, a second child with this man. A family. A life. All with this man. If only I could have all that.
23
Ash – Sunday
I wished I could understand all the nuances of Beth’s expressions as she slowly rode me. Yes, I saw desire and passion, but sometimes there was such sadness. And then it would be gone, and she’d be with me one-hundred percent again. Was she worried about her financial situation? Ben? Us? I hated that whatever weighed on her mind, she had a hard time pushing it aside in this beautiful moment.
I wrapped my arms tighter around her and rolled us over until she was underneath me again. I pressed my hips to her, sinking as deeply into her as I could.
“I love you, Beth.”
Her breath hitched. “Show me.”
She didn’t say it back. She hadn’t before either. It stung, and yet I could see that something was holding her back. If I was patient and tenacious, I could push back whatever resistance she had and make her mine. All mine.
I rocked my hips, sliding in and out of her, watching her lovely face fill with pleasure, and the expression of sweet torture as I pushed her up and up.
I took her hands, gripping them in mind as I held them next to her head. “Come with me,” I whispered. “Together.”
I picked up the pace, thrusting more forcefully, going deeper and deeper, wanting desperately to be a part of her, as she was already a part of me. She’d always been a part of me since that summer six years ago, I realized.