I blinked. ‘Wait? What? I didn’t say that!’
‘You don’t have to.’
‘Will you at least let me give you my answer?’
‘Why?’ His lips twitched into a smile - one of the old Captain Carter smiles, the ones I recognised as belonging to my friend. ‘You wouldn’t let me finish my proposal, either.’
I punched his arm. ‘Be serious!’
‘I am being serious.’ And he was. No matter that he was still smiling, his face somehow was the most serious I had ever seen. ‘There’s someone else, isn’t there?’
I hesitated for a moment. Never, ever had I admitted to anyone I knew that there was someone. Someone special. Someone my heart belonged to. But if there ever was a time to be brave, it was now.
‘Yes.’ The word was a whisper, carried away on a cold winter breeze. ‘Yes, there is.’
‘Is he good to you?’
I considered the question. I considered it for a quite a long time. And finally, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips, I gave the only possible answer. ‘I wouldn’t say “good”. I’d rather say… “adequate”.’
His grip on my hand tightened. ‘Has he done something to hurt you? Lilly…Miss Linton, I will-’
‘No, no!’ Raising my free hand, I gently touched a finger to his lips, silencing him. ‘It’s not like that at all. He is what I want. What I need.’
‘You could do so much better,’ he whispered.
I smiled. ‘You don’t even know who it is I am talking about.’
‘It doesn’t matter. You are you. You can always do better.’
‘Even better than you?’
‘Of course.’
‘You’re silly!’
One corner of his mouth curved up in a smile. Still incredibly full of sadness but, yes, it was a smile. ‘That’s part of my charm.’
‘Yes. Yes, it is.’
‘But…I’m not charming enough?’
I tried to sound gentle when I answered. Gentle when talking to a man…what a novel experience.
‘No.’
Just as gently, I slipped my hands from his grasp and took a small step back. He looked after me as if he were Menelaus, and I was Helena, disappearing in the distance.
‘If you change your mind…’
‘I’m sorry. I won’t.’
‘I thought not. Well, then…’
He fell silent. For a while, we just stood there, gazing at each other. Reflected in his eyes I saw flashes of a future, a life that might have been - and maybe it would have been a happy one. But for me?
No.
There was only one man for me. And his name was-