Which was why even though mornings were a war of sorts between Olly and me, I always won. I never gave in to him trying to bury himself under his blankets so that I didn’t see him and wouldn’t try to get him up. And I never gave up when he started whining and let him keep sleeping until the last minute. I never picked him up out of his bed and brought him to the car still asleep and in his pajamas, so he didn’t have to deal with getting up.
Every morning, I made sure he got up out of bed and got him dressed before we left. I brushed through his hair and brushed his teeth and made sure he had his little backpack packed full of books and toys to fill his day. Deana was amazing at making sure his days were full and active rather than just letting him sit around or use screens all day. She shared my no-screens views about children, especially little ones, and I knew when I went to pick him up at the end of the day, he would have had a day of adventures, fun, and learning.
It gave me some peace of mind that even though I couldn’t be with him all the time the way I wanted to be, at least he was being well cared for and would have everything I could possibly provide for him. He was going to have the best childhood and strongest foundation I could manage, no matter what it took.
This was why I never let myself stop fighting the little wars and making sure I came out on top. I simply had more reasons to. I wanted to be a good mother for my son because that was what he deserved, but also because I refused to be what people thought I was going to be. Especially my mother. I would not end up the way she did. And I would not end up the way she always predicted I would.
There was never any question what she thought my future was going to be. She figured I would end up getting pregnant young, be a single mother, and be trapped going nowhere in this little town for the rest of my life. She didn’t see me having any chance of being anything more than she ever was.
I never wanted that for myself. I was determined not to fall in line with what she saw for me and to be so much more. It didn’t help that some of what she predicted for me had already come true. But I wasn’t going to let any more of it turn out that way.
Yes, I was young. Yes, I was a single mother raising my little boy without a father.
But that was where the prediction was going to end. I wasn’t going nowhere. I wasn’t stuck in place with no chance at making it or getting anywhere else in life. If I had anything to say about it, I was going places. Places I hadn’t even yet started to imagine. And I imagined a lot.
I’d always worked hard, but recently I finally got the opportunity I’d been waiting for. The opportunity that was going to give me a leg up and give me a shot at moving forward. My boss had taken a huge chance on me when he hired me for the logging company. I didn’t have any experience, and there really wasn’t anything but my enthusiasm and promise I would learn quickly and dedicate myself to doing the best job I possibly could to convince him to bring me aboard.
But he did. And now I was doing everything I could to prove him hiring me was a good move and he wasn’t going to regret it. There wasn’t a single day I didn’t put every ounce of myself into my job. I did everything that was asked of me and everything that wasn’t. I made sure I was always doing something and that I anticipated needs so I could fulfill them as quickly and effectively as possible.
I worked harder than some of the men on the crew and would just keep grinding harder until I reached the next level and earned a raise. I needed to make as much money as I could. Raising Olly got more expensive the older he got, but I also needed to save what I could so we could get out of this small town.
I might have made the same mistakes as my mom, but I wouldn’t live the same life. Not if there was anything I could do about it.
3
FINN
“Order up,” I called through the window.
Janet, one of the older servers who’d stuck around through the apparent bad days just before I came in, popped up on the other side. Her smile was infectious, as was her attitude. For a lady nearing sixty, she acted more like she was twenty-five.