His eyes bore into mine. The green almost luminous in the dim light shimmers from the silver moonlight streaming through the windows.
“I can’t stay here,” I tell him earnestly. “I’m only bringing more heartache on everyone. You’ve all lost enough without having to deal with my father again.”
“You can’t leave,” he says as if it all makes sense. As if me being here is exactly what I’m meant to be doing. But it’s not. He should know it. “If you do go, you’ll hurt those two.” He gestures with his head to the rest of the house where Crow and Hawk are most probably asleep.
The thought of them alone in bed, warm, safe, it fills me with a sense of satisfaction I never knew before. When I lost the fight with my father for those two boys, Crow’s brothers, I felt helpless. But now I can keep him safe, I’m going to do it.
“If you do run, we’ll find you before you hit the town. If you make it out here alive. When we do have to chase, we’ll only hurt you when we catch you.” There is no amusement in his tone. Hawk isn’t like Falcon, who jokes around, and he’s certainly not like Crow. As serious as they both are, Hawk is stoic.
There is an innate sadness inside him. A pain I don’t know anything about. He never told me what happened with my father. I can’t force him to either. So instead of asking, I’ve let it slide.
And it doesn’t escape me he doesn’t include himself with them when he says they’d be hurt if I left. I don’t linger on it for too long though. Hawk does care, to a certain extent. But he prefers the physical to the emotional.
Instead of asking him about his feelings about me leaving, I focus on the real reason for me wanting to walk out. “It’s to keep them safe,” I say then, my voice cracking on the last word.
Safe. It’s an illusion.
Nobody is ever truly safe. We’re all walking around with danger lurking in every corner of our lives.
“You shouldn’t go,” he responds before moving closer to where I’m standing. When he reaches me, he stops, inches from me. His toes hit my black boots. They bought me a pair when we did some online shopping. It was the only time I ever saw anyone else, when the delivery driver pulled up.
Crow was convinced I would scream for help, but instead, I watched my new wardrobe get delivered, and waved the stranger off without so much as a mumble. I don’t want to leave them. But I need to.
Hawk reaches up, causing me to flinch. I never know what to expect from him, but this time, it’s a gentle whisper of his knuckles as they tease their way over my skin. The softness of his affection is apparent in this moment. It steals every breath from my lungs.
“Don’t go,” Hawk pleads. He actually fucking begs.
“Give me a reason to stay,” I whisper, tipping my head back so I’m staring into the endless orbit of those piercing blue eyes.
The air is so thick, I struggle to pull it in. The tender touch of his fingers as they trace a line from my ear to my jaw before he grips my chin between his thumb and forefinger sends heat sizzling through my veins.
“Why?”
“Because I need to know you care too,” I breathe the words, and Hawk leans in further. His lips brush along mine. It’s not a kiss, it’s a whisper, and I pray with everything I have he does steal my mouth, and he devours every inch of me.
“What if I don’t care?” he asks me, his tone low, barely audible, but the words are clear, and they break my heart. My chest tightens with pain so acute, my eyes sting with agony. I haven’t ever allowed myself to feel, to fall, to want someone. Now, there are three men I would do anything for, and it scares the shit out of me.
“Then I’ll go.”
“What about them?”
“I care about all three of you,” I admit because I can’t hide anymore. This isn’t something I can fight. Not anymore. If I need to let them go, I will. That’s what you do when you love someone. Isn’t it?
“Why?” Hawk tips his head to the side to regard me for a short moment before he continues, “Because you get good dick? Or because of something else? Like guilt.” The words sting like they’re meant to. He’s trying to hurt me. The other two men have allowed me to tell my story, they listened and understood what happened to me. I’ve heard their pain, but Hawk wasn’t there, he never allowed himself to confess his hate for me may be unfounded.
“Because I’m human, and you’re all hurt. I feel empathy because I can’t imagine what you went through. If I could change it—”