Summoning all my courage, I twist in my seat to say something when he speaks first.
“In all seriousness, you handled yourself so well today.”
“Thanks.”
“Your sister seemed to put her claws away.”
“Yeah. I haven’t processed that yet.”
“Your mother, on the other hand …” He makes a face.
I settle back in my seat and try to find our normal rhythm. “My mom is a piece of work who will never change.”
“What about Chrissy?” he asks carefully. “Do you think she could’ve changed? Or is this just an ‘I know when to put it on’ kind of thing?”
My shoulders rise and fall. That’s been in the back of my mind too all day, but I haven’t sorted it. “She’s always been able to turn it on and off, but today she was almost … nice.”
“I agree. Definitely worth a thought,” he notes. “And can we discuss Eric?” He presses his lips together. “He has the personality of a sloth. But sloths are kinda cute in their own way, so I feel bad even equating them to him.”
“Hey,” I giggle. “I saw you two chatting it up. I thought you were besties now. Which, by the way, was a super strange feeling.”
Lance gapes at me, stopping at a red light. “Am I that good at acting? They pay them a hell of a lot more than teachers.”
“But you didn’t hate going today, right?”
“Nope. Didn’t hate it.” He looks me up and down for a moment too long. The car behind us blares their horn. “Might’ve liked it too much.”
We speed forward, quiet again, as we mull over his words. There was a sincerity to them, a lack of playfulness I’ve come to expect from him, that has me a little worried. That too much might be a bad thing.
Closing my eyes, I remember the look on his face as I had him follow me from the table. The look in his eye as the pantry door snapped shut. The glimmer in those jade orbs as I asked him why he was still dressed.
That was me. How, I don’t know. I’ve never done anything like that and to think I just did it, to Lance, no less, has me not wanting to ever look him in the eye again.
But I process the afternoon as we make it back onto the highway on the other side of town and hit the exit towards Linton, and I can’t find an ounce of regret.
Today I was powerful. I made choices and decided what I let impact me. I was in control. I was a version of myself I really like.
“Thanks for coming with me today,” I say quietly. “I appreciate it but, um, don’t want what happened between us to make things weird.”
I think he’s going to ignore me or at least come back with something I don’t want to hear. When his palm rests on my thigh, I instantly melt into the seat.
“I think I could’ve fucked you in the middle of the table and things might’ve been weird for your mom, or Eric, but not for me,” he grins. “Come to think of it, I wish I could’ve shown that bastard what he was missing.”
“Trust me, that’s not what he was missing,” I scoff.
“What’s that mean?”
“Nothing.”
“Come on,” he chides, bumping my arm with his. “Spill it.”
“Let’s just say there was no pantry sex with Eric.”
“So, you didn’t bite his shoulder?” he teases. “Or coat his balls with your come?”
“Oh my God,” I say, burying my face in my hands.
“That was hot as hell.”
“I can’t talk about this.”
“Why? You should own that, Mariah. You’re sexy as fuck.”
I start to respond but give up and just look out the window instead. Without the hormones flooding me, it feels a lot different to say these things.
“You’re back to the librarian, huh?” he chuckles. “Imagine if I could get you that worked up in the library.”
“Will you stop?” I laugh.
He squeezes my thigh before removing his hand. “I loved seeing you like that back there.”
“Oh, I bet you did.”
“Not just naked, but let’s just put it out there right now that I’ll never, ever forget that sight.”
I look at the floorboard, concentrating on a stray piece of napkin.
“But more than that,” he continues. “You were confident. Classy. In control.”
“I don’t know what happened to me,” I say. “I usually let my annoyance at my mom win and kind of blow up or don’t show up to start with. Today felt … good.”
He’s grinning when I look at him.
We ride along in silence until we hit the exit for Bluebird. I can’t help but think of how different things are as we pass Goodman’s than they were when we passed it a few hours ago.
I think I won a little in the power balance with my mom. Maybe my relationship can be repaired with Chrissy. And Lance …