“Well…” I lifted the door handle and pushed it open. “Thanks so much for the ride.”
“Of course.”
I gave them both a wave, exited the SUV, and didn’t look back once. It wasn’t just awkward being in the same space as them, but I was afraid I’d lose control of my brain and mouth and blurt out that I’d slept with her husband. I’d always been good at keeping secrets, but this was getting harder and harder to do.
I trudged up the stairs because the elevator had a “Do Not Use” sign attached to it again. By the time I got to my floor, I was puffing out breaths and needing my bed like it was the only thing that mattered in this world.
My shoulders sagged as I pushed my key into the lock of my apartment door, and I finally inhaled a tired breath as I stepped inside. I had plans for the rest of the evening, and that involved a shower, my pj’s, and a nap. The prospect was so enticing that I didn’t look up until my door was closed, and my shoes were off my feet.
“Sister,” a deep voice announced.
I squealed, jumping in the air, my hand smacking off my chest to try and calm my racing heart. “What the…”
Hut sat in the middle of the living room on one of my kitchen chairs, leaning back with his legs spread out in front of him. He looked right at home in the middle of my space and even had a grin to match his easygoing attitude.
“Hut.” My fingers trailed up to my neck on instinct. “What are you doing here?” I begged my voice not to betray me because if he sensed any kind of weakness, it wouldn't be good for me. He’d zone in on that and use it to his advantage.
“Figured I’d come check out my sister’s new digs.” He didn’t look away from me, his gaze focused entirely on my face as he said, “Nice place.”
“I...thank you.” My feet implored me to move, to twirl around and run out of here, but it was exactly what he wanted. So instead, I stepped forward, determined to pretend this was just a normal day. “Do you want a drink?”
“I’m good.” He sat up straighter, and tilted his head. “Were you ever going to tell me your new address? Or do you like the thought of me chasing you down?”
“No—”
“I think that’s it.” He clicked his fingers and pointed at me. “You like me chasing you down. It makes you feel like you’re wanted, huh?”
I shook my head and pulled a bottle of water out of my refrigerator. “No, Hut. That’s not it at all.”
“Then what?” He stood up so fast the chair toppled over, and I gripped the bottle tighter, my shaking fingers about to betray how I felt about him being in my apartment.
I didn’t want to think about how he’d found me, or the fact he was on his own. And with that came clarity. Brody had been around for the last week, so did that mean the case was over? Or was he taking another break?
“You know what,” I answered Hut, trying to push all my thoughts aside. “You hurt me.”
“Fuck’s sake, Lola!” He stepped forward. “I said I’m sorry for that.” He swiped his hand through his hair, and for the first time, I noticed how frazzled he looked. He was always good at projecting a certain image to everyone, but he let it slip every so often around me.
“Actually”—I leaned against the counter, not willing to get any closer to him—“you didn’t.”
“Yeah I—shit, I didn’t.” He let his head tilt back and stared at the ceiling. “I’m sorry.”
He was saying the words, but it was too late. He’d done too much damage, and I wasn’t sure we could come back from it. Over and over again I forgave him, and he did the exact same thing. You can’t expect the outcomes to be different if the process was the same.
“Okay,” I whispered, not knowing what else to say.
Hut looked at me, a small smile on his face, and my brain begged me not to take that small smile as he wanted me to, but my heart crumbled. This was the same guy who had sat with me when I had nightmares, the same guy who had supplied me with snacks when we were growing up and protected me from seeing what our parents did.
“Did you hear?” he asked, taking a couple of steps and leaning on the back of the sofa. We were only about five feet apart now, but his tone was light.
“Hear what?”
“I got busted again.” He grinned wide as if he was talking about a game he’d won. “That’s not the best part, though.” He crossed his arms over his chest, and my stomach dipped. He wasn’t here to see how I was or check out my new place. He was here because—
“It was Brody that arrested me.”
“Brody?” My voice betrayed me, the soft, breathy sound telling more than the one word.