He grunted in response and unlocked his car, but I halted on the sidewalk. There was no way I was going to get into his car while he was acting like this. “Ford,” I repeated, and he finally turned to look at me. His face was a careful mask, and I knew right then that I’d lost the Ford from last night. He’d pushed him down and replaced him with this version, the version I was starting to hate. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” he replied, but it was way too fast. He was ready for my questions because he knew I’d have them.
“Last night, Ford—”
“Was a mistake,” he interrupted. “You’re my boss’s daughter. It was a mistake that won’t be repeated.” His voice was so sure, but also dismissive as if he was telling me he didn’t like the color pink.
I stood there, my stomach dropping and my heart beating wildly in my chest, and although part of me wanted to scream and shout and tell him he was an asshole, I just didn’t have the energy. I couldn’t argue with him, not when he was this closed off. I knew better than to try to talk to him whe
n he’d put on his mask. There was no getting through to him, no making him see sense.
Not only that, but I refused to beg him to open up to me. It didn’t matter how safe he made me feel. It didn’t matter that he was the one man in this world who made me feel whole. Because if he didn’t want it, then I wouldn’t push it. We were on the edge of something, and I’d never been good at knowing my limits, but what I did know about myself was that I wasn’t going to chase. I wasn’t going to try and persuade him to touch me, to kiss me. No matter how much I wanted it.
If he thought it was a mistake, then that was his viewpoint, whether I believed him or not. I opened my mouth, not sure what was going to come out, and he pushed his shoulders back, almost as if he was bracing himself for a fight. Did he think that was what he was going to get from me? I’d fought almost everything growing up, but I was different now. And this situation wasn’t me being told I couldn’t have cookies before dinner. This was Ford telling me that him touching me was a mistake, and I couldn’t help but feel part of my heart crack. I’d imagined this for so long, and now I was just tired. Tired of being the person people could push aside. Tired of being the little girl in everyone’s eyes.
No more. I wasn’t going to let people put me into their own little boxes. “Right.” I nodded and pushed my shoulders back, determined not to let it look like he’d affected me. He wasn’t the only one who could school his expression. “If that’s how you feel…” I trailed off, giving him the chance to tell me otherwise, but all he did was stare at me with his uncrackable hazel-eyed gaze. “Okay.” I swallowed, then repeated, “Okay.”
I didn’t know how to react to his steely stare because I’d never been confronted with anything like it before. Maybe I was too close? Or maybe I was afraid if I pushed too much that I’d lose him altogether, and the thought of losing him wasn’t one I could entertain. So I did what I always did. I accepted what he had to say and moved to the passenger side of the car, then slipped inside.
He didn’t get in for several seconds, but when he did, I looked out of my window, intent on not giving him my stare. I couldn’t let him see how much his couple of words had shattered me. I hated how much I felt for him while he didn’t feel a thing. I was off-balance, sure to be the only loser here, and I needed to do something to put me back on track.
Which was the reason I messaged Curtis, telling him to bring a bottle of tequila to my apartment.
If Ford was only going to be here to make sure I was safe, then I may as well let loose. I’d never let myself go fully, so I was going to take advantage. Plus, trying to forget about the last twenty-four hours by drinking it away was alluring.
It only took us a couple of minutes to get to my apartment block, and as soon as we were inside, I headed for my bedroom to get changed into my pj’s. Tequila, pj’s, and a shitty movie on TV would fix the mood I was now in, or at least help a little.
Knocking sounded throughout the apartment about fifteen minutes later, and I stepped out of my bedroom just in time to see Ford answer it.
“Who are you?” I heard Curtis ask.
I danced down the hallway and pushed up onto my tiptoes so my face could be seen over Ford’s shoulder and grinned at him. “He’s a family friend staying with us. Did you bring it?”
Curtis flicked his gaze to Ford and then back to me. “Hell yeah, I did.” He held the tequila in the air. “You gonna invite me in or what?”
“No,” Ford growled. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared Curtis down, but I was so over him right now. I didn’t have the patience for his demands. He didn’t get a say in what I did or how I acted, especially after what he’d said.
“Come in, Curtis.” I pushed past Ford and grabbed the bottle of tequila.
“Belle,” Ford grunted, wrapping his hand around my wrist to stop me. I raised a brow at it and then stared up at him, silently warning him to let me go. “What are you doing?”
“Being a college girl and letting loose.” I waited for a beat, knowing that secretly I was baiting him, but he didn’t bite. He just let me go, huffed out a breath, and then took a step back to allow Curtis to come in.
“I got limes too,” Curtis said.
“I’ll get the salt!” I sauntered into the kitchen and grabbed shot glasses and salt with Ford on my tail. I could tell he wanted to say something, but he was keeping his mouth shut. Maybe it was because he regretted crossing the line by kissing me in my room, or maybe it was because he knew it didn’t matter what he said to me right then. Nothing would change my mind and my decision to forget in the only way I knew how.
I moved back into the living room and sat next to Curtis on the sofa, but Ford had stayed in the kitchen. I could feel his eyes burning a path over my skin, but I wasn’t going to look at him. So many things had happened in the three weeks since I’d seen Ford at the club, and I just needed a night where I could drink tequila and not think about why there was now an alarm system in my apartment, or why I was being followed everywhere.
Curtis poured us each a shot, and I downed it without a second thought. But it was as I was about to take my second shot that Ford’s cell rang. I turned my head to look at him and spotted him staring down at it. He glanced at me, his hazel eyes no longer protected by the way that he felt. I could see in his swirling eyes that he wasn’t happy with what I was doing, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.
I licked the salt off my hand, downed my shot, and pushed the lime between my teeth, all the while staring at him. He shook his head and lifted his cell to his ear, but I didn’t hear what he said as he walked down the hallway and toward my bedroom.
“So,” Curtis said. “You gonna tell me what’s going on?”
I shrugged. “Nothing really. Just needed some tequila and some Curtis time.” I grinned up at him. “I haven’t seen you for a couple of weeks, so how about you tell me what’s going on.”
Curtis scraped his hand over the scruff of his jaw. “Just been dealing with family shit. You know how it goes.” I nodded because I did know how it went. I really knew how it went. “It’s all sorted now though, so I’m back.” He poured us each another shot and handed me my glass. “Cheers to that?”