“You came, but you left your try.” I clear my throat. “You stopped trying, Gerry.” My voice starts to sound choked up so I pull the phone away from my ear, my heart breaking in two. “What happened?”
He sighs dramatically before slurring, “I couldn’t be a placeholder for him.”
He spits the last word out with such venom that it shocks me. How could he ever think that?
“Gerry, I—”
“Don’t baby me, Harmony, I always knew I was the rebound. I was content with that at first, thinking you’d forget about him and eventually love me the way you did him.”
“I did love you.”
He scoffs. “But you weren’t in love with me, were you? You were happy enough with your consolation prize, but you never looked at me the way that you did with him.” He pauses. “I know you’ve got a place on the right side of the tracks, I bet you fell right into his arms again, didn’t you?”
“Stop!” I shout down the line. “Just stop it.”
“I was never good enough. You left me and ran right back into his arms.” He laughs bitterly. “Don’t come back to me when he throws you to the side again, just like he did the last time.”
Before I can reply, the line goes dead and I’m left standing in front of my studio wondering if every little thing he said was the truth.
What if he was a placeholder? The rebound that I would never love the way I did with him?
No, he’s wrong, he was never a placeholder. Was he?
I startle as a hand touches my shoulder and I spin around, wide-eyed.
“Are you okay, Harm?” Mom asks and I paste on the same forced smile I have been giving her for the last few weeks.
“I’m fine, let’s get home.” I walk past her and climb into the car.
She follows and gets into the passenger side before I start driving toward her house.
I pull up to the familiar house but I can’t go inside. My hands stay clutched onto the steering wheel as I stare ahead, not able to move.
Mom turns toward me as she gets out of my car. “Want to have a glass of wine before bed?”
I hesitate; Gerry and my conversation weighing heavily on me. It feels like a giant weight is sitting on my chest and I could do with sorting through my feelings on my own.
“Dang it, I left something at the studio. You go in and pour us a glass, I’ll be back soon,” I reply, giving her a small smile.
Her brow creases as she frowns. “I could come back with you to keep you company?”
I shake my head. “No. Thank you though.” She sighs and starts to close the door until I raise my voice to catch her attention. “Mom?” Her head reappears as she ducks back into the car. “Was… Was Gerry a rebound?”
I can’t look at her as she climbs into the seat, reaching for one of my hands. “You loved Gerry when you married him, both your dad and I saw it. That’s why we let you go.”
I tuck my hair behind my ear before looking up at her. “I might’ve loved him, but was I in love with him?”
She lets out a long sigh. “Being in love and loving someone are two different things, only you know your feelings, hon. You were both so young, but you vowed you were in love with him and who were we to stand in the way?”
“I thought I was at the time, I guess age gives you a different perspective on things.”
I inwardly cringe at the thought that I used him as a rebound, but I know I loved Gerry, especially in the beginning. He helped me through the rest of my college years and kept me above water.
“Age will make you wiser but when you’re finally old enough to realize that you have regrets, you can’t get your life back. All you can do now is change things while you can. You have to move on, sweetheart.”
“I guess you’re right. I just… I feel bad that I made him feel like I didn’t love him like I loved...”
She purses her lips. “What happened to your relationship with Gerry was not your fault. Don’t let him have you thinking that way, he’s on the defensive.”