Matt stands up, his hands stuck in his pockets. “And I’m guessing you somehow figured out that Avery was Abby.”
“That’s where you come in.”
“I’m not following you.”
I force a swallow. “What are the odds that Avery would have the exact same tattoo in the exact same spot as Abby?”
“Same numbers?”
“Five and five, and in the exact same position.”
“I mean, I don’t know the exact probability, but it’s not good.” He grimaces. “But I think you know that.”
I toss Matt’s bottle in the trash too.
Even with his validation that I’m not crazy to think she is the same girl as the night on the lake, I can’t make sense of it. Why wouldn’t she say anything to me? She has to remember who I am. How many guys are named Penn, after all?
Because I didn’t lie to her.
That night carried me through the darkest part of my life. If she hadn’t shown up, I don’t know what I would’ve done. I was almost frantic when she arrived, from replaying the call I had just made and understanding the ramifications that would be coming my way.
Would I have done something stupid? Cracked? Acted out? Maybe. I don’t know. But Abby—Avery—showing up gave me something to think about instead.
But now everything feels different, like there’s a cloud that I can’t shake.
“I asked her when I first met her if I knew her, and she acted really weird,” I say. “It’s because I did.”
Matt comes around the table and puts a hand on my shoulder. “You’re going to be okay.”
“Why did she lie to me? Or not tell me? Do you know how stupid I look right now?”
“You always look stupid.” He shoves my shoulder before letting it go. “You just need to talk to her.”
“And say what?” I fight back the urge to get angry again. “She’s always saying how people just want shit from her. I didn’t ask her for anything, and she couldn’t even tell me who she really is.” I snort. “She wants something real. I was a hell of a lot more real than her.”
Matt sighs. “I can’t argue that logic. Hey, look at that. You’re being logical. I’m standing here watching the transformation of Penn Etling. What a day.”
I give him a menacing look, to which he laughs.
“Maybe she figured you’d just think of her like one of your harem.”
“I don’t have a harem,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Maybe she thought it was pointless to rehash that night because you two weren’t going to have anything real together, anyway. You don’t do that kind of thing, and you’ve made sure everyone knows it. Or maybe that night meant something to her, too, and she didn’t want you to make a mockery out of it.”
I shake my head because he doesn’t get it. She wasn’t afraid to make a connection with me because we already had. We fucking connected. I know that because it’s gone now, and I feel the loss in the middle of my fucking chest.
“This is exactly why you’re better off not to care,” I tell him. “Do people do this all the time? Do they care about people and spend their energy constantly trying to make things right?”
He laughs. “Yes and no. This kind of thing is unique, though. Most people remember who they sleep with.”
I fire him a warning glare. He ignores it.
“You do this all the time, anyway,” he says. “Who snuck pizza into the hospital for me when I was on a liquids-only diet after I fell and was starving? You. And who went to Lorene’s and fixed her step without being asked? You. And who unclogged the gutters at the café last fall because the guy they hired to do it didn’t show? You.” He shrugs. “You already spend your energy making sure people are okay. This time, it just happens to be a woman you aren’t actively fucking.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Of course it’s not. It never is. Things always look easier on paper. But you just have to make a choice about how you want to handle it and go be a man and do it.”
I slow blink. “Does that mean you aren’t just going to tell me what to do?”
“That’s exactly what it means.”
I balk. “But you always make my adult decisions for me.”
“And I’ve been waiting for the day to arrive to put that back on you. Lucky for me, today is that day.”
Maybe it’s lucky for him, but it’s shitty for me because I don’t know what to do.
My spirits fall as I realize there is no easy answer, and if there were, Matt wouldn’t give it to me, anyway. This is the shit I don’t want in my life. I avoid it at all costs. Yet here I am, giving a fuck, and I can’t turn it off.