The broken me. The liar.
How could he think I was incredible? I was far from it.
I’d told so many lies over the last couple of years that sometimes I didn’t know whether they were lies or actually the truth.
The only thing that made me get up in the morning was Eli, without him I honestly didn’t know what I would have done. I was so far from who I used to be that it felt like someone else’s life that I remembered. That fun, bubbly, girl was a distant memory. One I’d never get back.
“Mama?”
“Hmm?”
“Why is dad here?” I snapped my head to the side.
“I don’t know sweetie,” I said, panicked and staring wide eyed as I turned the car off.
Max stood against his car, one knee bent as he watched us. His eyes narrowed and his posture stiff. When they met mine he smiled and pushed up off his car.
I jumped out of the car and undid Eli’s belt.
“Hey, baby.” He flung his arm around my shoulders after I closed the door, he steered me toward the apartment. I held my hand out for Eli, his little hand clutched mine the same way that I clutched his.
“Been somewhere nice?”
“Huh?” I looked down. “Oh, no. I… Just thought I’d try something new.” I hadn’t even thought about him seeing my work clothes.
“Mmmm, If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you’ve been somewhere today.”
My throat went dry as he held the door open. I walked behind Eli up the stairs, Max following behind me.
“But I know you wouldn’t do that, would you?” I shook my head as we turned to the next set of stairs. “You’re a good girl, and good girls listen.”
I held my hands behind Eli as he stumbled. “Careful, sweetie”
“Don’t they,” he murmured in my ear.
“Yes,” I croaked.
He didn’t say anything the rest of the way up.
It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him why he was home so early. He never came home this early.
“Can I watch TV?” Eli asked when I opened the door.
“Yes, of course you can, sweetie.” I followed him in the living room and switched it on.
“Let’s go out.” Max said when I walked into the kitchen. I opened the fridge to see what I could cook for dinner. Max was never here when I cooked dinner, it felt so wrong for him to be here.
“What?”
“I wanna take you out.” He wrapped his arms round my waist from behind and nuzzled his face into my neck.
Flashbacks from a week ago when he pushed me against the fridge assaulted my mind. The swelling had gone down but the bruise was still there. Max hadn’t even mentioned it, not that I expected him to. He probably didn’t even remember doing it in the first place.
“What about a baby sitter?” I asked.
“That old bat down the hall can watch him.”
“Max.” I spun round. “Please don’t call her that.”