“Yeah.” I clear my throat. “We all live on the compound apart from Kitty; she moved out a couple of months ago.”
She nods her head at my answer, walking around the pool table, coming to a stop within inches from me.
“What do you actually do on the compound?”
“I work with computers and that kind of thing.” I’m being vague, but I don’t want to talk about work, especially when she’s this close to me.
My hand flutters at my side, inching toward her hip and pulling her toward me, closing the space. Her breath catches in her throat as my breath skims over her lips. “I’ve been wanting to do this since I last saw you.”
I lean forward slowly, softly pressing my lips against hers, letting the cue drop onto the floor next to us as I wrap my arms around her waist. I place another two soft kisses on her lips before pulling back, staring into her eyes.
Everything fades away, the music playing through the speakers, the noise of the patrons: nothing can get through our bubble right now.
Her chest is heaving the same way mine is, but I’m determined to do this date right so I pull away, letting my hands slide from her waist and picking up the cue, finishing the game.
I pay the bill after another game, refusing to let Lexi pay for any of it and then lead her outside and back into my car. I don’t turn the engine on when I slide into the driver’s seat, instead I sit here in silence, my mind working overtime.
“Lexi?” I whisper, my voice unsure. I slowly turn my head, my eyes clashing with hers. I see the pain deep in their depths but on the surface, it’s covered with nervousness and excitement at being in an enclosed space with me. “I… I…” Damn! Why can’t I get my words out? I’ve turned into a bumbling idiot.
I shake my head, trying again but still nothing worthwhile will come out.
“Hey,” she says, placing her hand over mine that is clutching the steering wheel tightly. “What’s the matter?”
A thousand things run through my head at a hundred miles per hour: I could tell her how I’m scared that she won’t like me; that I’m afraid she’ll hurt me; that I’m frightened she’ll make me love her and then leave.
But not one of those things come out of my mouth, instead I shake my head and put my hand on the keys that dangle under the steering wheel, ready to turn them as I say, “Never mind.”
“Oh no you don’t.” She laughs, pulling my hand into her lap as she clutches it. “I’m as nervous as you are, Evan. But this has to start as it means to go on: no secrets.”
I swallow, staring into her hazel orbs, scanning them for something that makes me doubt what she’s saying. I don’t see a thing, so I lean my head back. Rubbing my thumb over her knuckles as I turn to face her.
“I know I come across as confident… but… I’m not. Not really. I constantly doubt myself and wonder what people think about me and worry that they don’t like me; not the snippet of me that I allow people to see, but the real me.” I pause, catching my breath before saying, “Wow, nothing like something this heavy on a first date.”
She smiles, her eyes lighting up as her hand lifts and cups my cheek. “I see you, Evan.” She leans across the center console, whispering, “I see you.”
I swallow at the intensity in her eyes, my skin breaking out into goose bumps as she presses her soft lips against mine gently.
She leans away but I don’t like the distance so I pull her closer to me, crashing my lips down onto hers. My hands weave into her hair, feeling the soft strands flow through my fingers as I kiss her, showing her how I feel in this moment.
I can’t explain what she does to me or the way she makes me feel. All I know is that I’ve never felt like this before; I’ve never felt the all-consuming need to be near her, to touch her, to listen to her soft voice as she talks.
We break apart, chests heaving and lips swollen, neither of us taking our eyes off the other.
“I see you too,” I tell her, resting my hand on the side of her neck. “I see the way you walk with the weight of the world on your shoulders.” I pause for a beat. “I see the way you act around new people, the way you tell them right away about your past.”
“I—”
“It doesn’t define you, Lex. What you did is not who you are.”
“It doesn’t?” she asks quietly.
“No.” I shake my head, a grin pulling at my lips. “You’re Alexis Deacon; the wonderful, kind-hearted woman who has wrapped her way around my heart like a vine.” Her chest lifts as she stutters out a breath, her eyes closing slowly at hearing the words coming out of my mouth. “I don’t understand what is going on here, Lex, but whatever it is, I don’t want it to stop.”
“Neither do I,” she whispers, opening her eyes and showing me how much she means it.
The atmosphere in the car heats up to stifling levels and I know that if I don’t get her out of this parking lot right now, there’s no way we’ll make it out of here at all.
It’s been two weeks since Evan and I went on our first date. I didn’t expect him to be how he was at the end of the night, I always thought he was this confident person where nothing could knock him down. But what he showed me had me falling for him even more. I can see it in his eyes: he’s damaged, just like I am.