“Luke?” he tries again.
I turn to face him, staring daggers at him as I grind out, “I need to—” I snap my attention to my cell as it beeps, opening up the message but seeing Dean’s fuckin’ name. Dean! Fuckin’ Dean. Throwing my head back, I groan long and loud, needing to get my mind off anything to do with—
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“You know you can talk to me,” he tells me.
“I know.” I sigh, scrubbing my hand up and down my face before turning back to face him. I’m about to open my mouth and tell him what’s going on, but what comes out is, “My mom is on my back about...” I swallow, knowing I’m lying. “I need to go and see her.”
He tilts his head. “You need me to come with you?”
“No.”
He shrugs, but I see the way his honey eyes watch me, knowing there’s more to it. I keep my mouth closed, not willing to expose myself to him—to anyone.
“Thanks for the ride, I’ll see you at the compound.”
I don’t acknowledge him as he gets out, and as soon as the door is shut, I squeal out of the lot, my body working on automatic as I drive toward my mom’s place.
Why am I so bothered? So what if she hasn’t called or messaged, maybe nothing has happened. Or maybe something has happened and she can’t get to the cell.
Slamming my palm down on the steering wheel, I curse up a storm before coming to a stop at the red light at the edge of town. This isn’t my problem, none of it is. I need to stay away, I need to not get involved.
Yeah, because that’s been working so far, right?
The light turns green but I don’t move, I keep idling, waiting for my mind to catch up with my body. If I turn right I’ll head toward Mom’s town, but if I turn left, I’ll head back to the compound where I belong.
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, centering myself before opening my eyes back up and pressing my foot on the gas pedal.
I turn left, going back home. Home where the only problem to solve is who the fuck Dean is.
I’ve become good at compartmentalizing everything over the years, pushing things away in their own little boxes and locking them up tight.
My dad: locked away in a part of my brain that only comes out on certain nights when I can’t control what I think.
My lost friends from the forces: pushed to the side where I don’t remember over and over again the smell of their burning skin or their screams of pain when there was nothing I could do to help them.
My mom crying after another beating: pushed so far down it’d be impossible to come back up.
And now I need to do the same with this. The fact of the matter is, I don’t know Lily. Sure, I feel some kind of connection to her, but it has to be the kind a brother feels for his sister. The same way I care about Kay and Kitty. It has to.
By the time I’m pulling up outside the warehouse, I’ve convinced myself not to care about Lily or what is happening to her.
“Luke!” My head whips around at the sound of Kitty’s voice, the SUV door opening before she jumps in and slaps her hand on the dash in the same way Evan did not long ago. “I’m in need of Luke time.”
“I… huh?”
“Don’t get me wrong,” she starts, pulling the belt around her. “I love Kay to pieces, but sometimes I just need to hang with the boys, y’know?”
“I don’t fuckin’ know,” I say, raising a brow.
“Let’s go!” She slaps her hand on the dash again. That really fuckin’ grates on my nerves. “I want to go spy on people! Let’s head to that bar—”
“That’s Dean’s and my job,” I interrupt her.
“Awwww.” She turns to face me, fluttering her eyelashes. “Is he your bestie now? Can’t go on a job without him?” She lifts her lips into a grin before starting to sing, “Dean and Luke, sitting—”
“Fuck’s sake!” Putting the SUV in reverse, I spin the car around. “Fuckin’ fine! Let’s go then.”