“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights.”
He pulls me forward, pushing my arms behind my back before shoving me back down. His body weight crushes me as he places his chest against mine. I try to fight him, not willing to let this happen. I can’t be this person, I won’t be the one who accepts what is happening to her. I can stop this, I can—
“Watch me.”
I shake my head emphatically, refusing to do as he says. He replies by grabbing hold of my jaw, keeping my head in place as he pushes forward, his eyes connected with mine. I tell him silently how much I hate him, words failing me.
“No,” I sob, the sounds coming from my throat like a wounded animal.
He groans, the sound echoing in my head over and over again as he enters me, taking not only my virginity, but my soul and dignity at the same time.
His hand works its way down to my throat, forcing my head back as my hands lose their feeling being crushed between the floor and my back.
My vision starts to blacken at the edges, and for the first time in my life, I beg the darkness to take me under. I gasp as it swallows me, and the last thing I feel is a thrust as he closes his eyes, moaning.
I’ll never forget that sound for as long as I live.
LILY
When I was a little girl, the place I felt safest was in my home. My mom singing in the kitchen as she washed the dishes, my dad sitting on the sofa highlighting scriptures in his bible, my brother running around the backyard.
So many memories fill these walls; memories destroyed within minutes. Shattered into so many pieces they’d be impossible to fit back together again.
I keep my eyes closed, listening to his footsteps as he climbs the stairs, the shower turning on and giving me the all clear. Opening my blurry eyes, I look around the living room, it seeming so different to how it was only thirty minutes ago.
How can everything change in the blink of an eye?
Wincing as I sit up, I lift my hand to my mouth and eye, knowing there’s no doubt they’re both swollen. Keeping my attention focused in front of me, I don’t look down, scared of what I’ll find.
The sound of the shower turning off has adrenaline running through me. Stumbling up off the floor, I use the wall to steady myself as I stay silent, hearing the bathroom door open and his footsteps as he walks across the hall to his bedroom.
It’s now or never. Him or me.
And from now on, I’m going to choose me every single time.
My hand slips on the wall, but I keep my attention focused on the one thing I was offered yesterday but didn’t take. Freedom.
I grip the door handle, taking a stuttering breath before pulling it open and making a dash for it, pain consuming me with each step but it doesn’t matter, because I’m out… I’m away from him.
A sob bubbles up inside me as the pain between my legs ricochets through me, the stinging worse than anything I’ve ever felt before. When I get to the other end of the field, I look down, seeing my skirt hanging in two pieces, blood trickling down my legs and onto my bare feet. Red; just like the poppies surrounding me.
I stumble, leaning against the wall in the alleyway, my chest feeling like it’s going to cave any minute with the force of the sobs coming from me. I sound like a wounded animal, and all I want is to find shelter.
My gaze finds the house on the other side of the field and it’s all I need to get moving again.
Kim’s house comes into view, the light illuminating her living room and I stumble toward it, crossing the road and making it to her front door before slumping against it.
I have to tell someone what happened. But how are you meant to tell someone your own father raped you? How are you meant to explain that the person who should protect you from every single person on this earth did the one thing he never should have?
Lifting my hand, I knock on the door with all the strength I can muster before it opens, Kim’s smiling face coming into view before she sees me.
“Lily?” she gasps, her hand flying over her mouth as she reaches for me. “What happened?”
“I—” My throat dries, a lump the size of a baseball lodging itself there. I’ve said the word over and over again in my head on the way over here, but not out loud.
I open my mouth, willing the word to come forward, but it won’t escape.
Kim pulls me inside before leading me to the sofa and sitting me dow