But that was tomorrow’s problem. Today, I was going home, and I was drinking. The one problem with that was that I didn’t have any booze at home. Fine. I could make it to the store.
Maybe I was stupid. It would be smarter to go straight home and lie down, but my pride and stubbornness were in full force. I wasn’t going to let this beat me, no matter how hard it tried.
The store was on the way home. I would get in and out as quickly as I could. Pulling up to the tiny store, I smiled. There were a couple other grocery stores nearby, bigger and more traditional, but I liked this one. Arrowhead Grocer had been in the town of Garnet Bend since it was founded. Over here on the older side of town where everything was a little smaller and worn-down, it fit right in.
The owners were an older couple who cared about their shop like it was their pride and joy. And it was. They remembered their customers and joyfully filled any special requests.
Taking a deep breath, I shoved open the door to the truck and swung down. The hardest step. Absorbing the impact of any elevation change was painful when my back was like this.
The door opened, and a woman rushed out of the store, her hands full of bags. My heart skipped a beat, and I froze. It was Cori. Her hair was in a messy ponytail, the streaks of turquoise she kept in it peeking out. She usually rotated through colors, but I was partial to this one. It suited her.
She lived next door to my small house, and we saw each other regularly. All the guys at the ranch teased me about her. I’d never admitted it, but they were right. I couldn’t help it. She was fucking beautiful and sweet—and also completely off-limits since she had a boyfriend.
I wasn’t that kind of guy. No matter my personal opinion of the boyfriend, I didn’t cheat or help anyone do it. Though from what I knew of her, that thought would never even cross her mind.
“Hey, Cori.”
She looked at me, and her face broke out into a smile. It made me realize that she hadn’t been smiling. And, for her? That was strange. She was bubbly and bright, and it was rare for her to appear to be anything but happy. But people had their own shit to deal with that they didn’t want anyone else to see. Lord knew I understood that.
“Hi, Grant. How are you?”
I placed my hand on the hood of the truck to brace myself. “Just grabbing a couple things before heading home. You?”
“Dinner.” She lifted the bags in her hands. “Joel’s coming over.”
“I hope you have a nice time.”
A shadow passed over her face, so fleeting that I almost thought I’d missed it. “Me too.” Her phone lit up in her hand, and she glanced down at it. “I’ll see you around?”
“Sure will.”
On any other day, I would have already been putting her groceries into her truck for her. Today, I probably couldn’t get there before she would have pulled out of the parking lot.
I watched her pull away before heading into the store and grabbing the whiskey and a couple other things to eat. Thankfully, the people here saw me enough on bad days that they didn’t comment on my slowness or the way I limped.
Cori’s truck was in her driveway, along with Joel’s. I didn’t like him. Shaking my head, I pushed the thoughts away. It wasn’t my business.
As soon as I got inside, I realized I had made a mistake.
I’d decided to come home so I could avoid being under the constant scrutiny of too-helpful former SEALs. There was only one problem with that: home was lonely.
People around me were falling in love left and right. Lucas had Evelyn, Harlan and Grace were getting married soon, for real this time—not a fake marriage to save her ranch. Even Cori had someone in her life. And I was happy for them. I really was. I didn’t begrudge anyone falling in love.
It didn’t erase the sting.
The guys would mock me if they knew, but I was a bit of a romantic. I’d always known that. I had the dream of falling in love and being with that one person for the rest of our lives. Maybe kids, if that was what they wanted too. There was something beautiful and comforting about finding that person who made you better and accepted you for who you were.
Dragging myself to the kitchen, I shoved the food into the fridge and opened the whiskey. Whatever ray of light Cori had used to blow away the black cloud over my head, it was back.
I filled a glass and drained it. Poured another.
Usually, if I got a little sentimental and sad that those things weren’t happening to me, a hot shower and my hand could take care of the problem. Now, that would only make my problem worse. Because that hurt too, and not even an orgasm could erase that kind of pain.
Now that I was here, I didn’t have to mask the agony, and I made my way to the couch with my glass and the bottle, not bothering to turn on the lights. Darkness suited me right now.
Who would want this?
Clearly, I was a ray of fucking sunshine. My friends knew I was an asshole when I was in pain, but they’d gone through just as much as I had. Some of them worse.
But I was the one with the most obvious physical scars. Daniel’s mothering needled at me. I hadn’t been to my specialist in months. Because the last time I was there, he told me the truth that no man wants to hear—there was nothing that could be done.
That piece of shrapnel in my spine was too close to my nerves to be operated on safely, and any surgery was as likely to paralyze me as heal me. But either way, there would be a point where it dug too deep and cut too much and then no more walking for Grant Carter.
I sighed and took a sip of whiskey. Hopefully tomorrow would be better. They weren’t wrong. I needed to keep seeing Rayne if I wanted to get off this roller coaster, no matter the status of my injury.
But the question echoed in my mind again. Days that I could barely walk or move, and a guarantee of someday losing what mobility I had. Who would want any part of that?