“I was a good dad,” he confessed. “When she was little. Her mum, Stacey, and I split up when Robbie was just a wee thing, but I was always there for her. Stacey was volatile and everything was a war. It was so difficult to be in her life, but I did what I had to, to keep Robyn in mine. Until Stacey married Seth. Things got better again. We all got along. Seth was my friend from the police department. I liked that he was the one who would be in Robyn’s life whenever I wasn’t. And he never tried to force me out of the picture.
“But when I took the job in security, that meant being away more, and it all changed. Stacey was caustic and argumentative again. Then when Lachlan offered me the job with him, which meant moving across country, she wouldn’t even consider sharing custody. I wanted Robyn out in California with me during school holidays. I wanted to come to Boston whenever I had a break in our schedule. But Stacey made it all or nothing.
“And I was a selfish bastard who wanted the job. It paid well. I could give Robyn things she’d never have otherwise. But I didn’t just take it for her. I took it for me. And I took it because my pride demanded that Stacey couldn’t dictate my life to me. I chose my pride over my kid, and no one can tell me any different.”
“If you knew it would mean losing her, would you have chosen the job, your pride?”
“Never,” he answered harshly, almost like he was begging me to believe him. “Never, Arro. Robyn has made it clear she wants nothing to do with me. I send letters and gifts every year, but they’re always returned to sender. I … I can’t take back what I did.” He rubbed his hands up my bare arms as if soothing me. He didn’t seem to be aware of his caress. “I love Lachlan like a brother, and I love Ardnoch. I wouldn’t exchange that for anything … but her. For her, I would exchange everything that made me happy to have her back in my life. I wish I had never taken the job.”
Tears filled my eyes for him. I didn’t know he was walking around with this much pain and regret inside him.
“Mackennon,” I whispered, reaching for his face, the prickle of his stubble scratching my palm as our gazes held. “You can’t take it back. You can only move forward. I wish I could turn back time for you, but it doesn’t work that way. This is where we are. But it doesn’t mean we’re stuck here.” I pressed into him unconsciously, and his hands dropped to my hips. “You can change the future.”
“I don’t deserve a future with her.”
Realizing he truly meant it, that he thought so little of himself, hurt. “You are a good man,” I said, my voice hoarse with emotion. “The best of men.”
He shook his head, but I captured his face in my hands.
“I’ll decide. And I’ve decided you’re wonderful. And I know I couldn’t have gotten through these last two years without you. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”
Mac squeezed my hips, expression darkening. “Arro …”
Then some madness came over me. I pulled his head to mine and crushed my mouth to his. Excitement made me tremble as I tasted the whisky on his lips. He grunted, his lips parting in surprise, and I took advantage, touching my tongue to his.
His groan vibrated through me, and he kissed me back.
Just like that, I was on fire, my brain fogged with nothing but lust and need for him. Years of pent-up longing burst forth.
Our kiss was wild, hungry, my fingers tangling through his dark hair, his stubble scratching my skin, his hands fisting in the silk of my dress, pulling it excruciatingly tight across my sensitive breasts.
Yes, yes, YES.
I’d never experienced desire like it.
I wanted his hands everywhere at once.
Mostly, I wanted them between my legs. No, his mouth, I wanted his mouth there.
I moaned at the thought.
Mac curled his hands around my shoulders.
And abruptly pushed me away.
I stumbled, hitting the back of his armchair.
Every inch of my skin flushed, my lips swollen.
Mac gaped at me like he’d never seen me before, his gaze dropping to my chest and darkening. He turned away, his hands clenched at his sides.
A glance down revealed my nipples were visibly hard beneath the silk of my dress.
My cheeks heated, but I refused to hide myself.
Instead, I glared at Mac’s back. “Will you look at me?”
He spun around, countenance dark with something I didn’t like, as he ran his hands through his hair. “Fuck.”