My mind has been spinning in circles since last night. Every thought is full of him. And the office isn’t giving me any distractions. My project today, other than messing up simple side tasks, is looking up comps for Asher’s family home.
Freaking great.
Every other thought that crosses my mind is his name. Or his deep tone whispering my name. Or his warm breath on the side of my neck, giving me shivers. Or the tortured groans of pleasure he made all last night. He told me everything I’ve wanted to hear for two years. Asher said everything I could’ve dreamed. I’ve missed him more than anything, and it felt so right to be together.
My phone pings and I’m quick to reach it for no other reason than to be distracted. It’s not Asher, and the amount of disappointment I feel is ridiculous. He’s working. I’m working. I click over to my texts and read the “good morning, beautiful” message he sent me. Instantly, my lips lift up into a smirk.
But it’s not him who messaged me now.
Katelyn: What are you up to, Bri?
Brianna: Missing you!
My smirk turns to a full-blown smile. I haven’t heard from Katelyn in like a week. In other words, since all of this went down … since Asher went down. The smirk returns.
Katelyn: It’s been too long and I was thinking of you!
I’m quick to text her back. If Renee is my rock here, Katelyn was my rock at university. The memories give me those warm fuzzy feelings and my fingers fly across my phone as we chat.
Each of us went back home after college. Katelyn understands what it’s like. You’re different when you go back. How could you not be? Four years passed while I was away. Sometimes I went through hell and heartbreak. It makes you see the world in an entirely new way. I still have warm, nostalgic feelings about home, but I see it differently now. I can’t help it. I even see Asher with new eyes.
Are they really that new, though? I still miss him. I still want him.
Katelyn: Tell me what’s going on? I haven’t heard a peep from you since you started your job … and you didn’t tell me what happened when Asher picked up your car.
Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I debate on what and how to tell her. Katelyn was with me when I got the call from Asher. He started out by saying he couldn’t come up to see me at college, and I …
I just lost it. The memory hits me hard and I know it hit her hard too. ’Cause like I said, she was my rock.
* * *
“You were supposed to come last weekend,” I said, my voice shaking. “You didn’t, and now you’re not coming again. You don’t care about seeing me. It’s not a priority for you.”
“Of course you’re a priority, Bri. I obviously care about you,” he answered.
“It’s not obvious,” I shot back. “You don’t call me unless it’s to cancel. You don’t respond to texts for hours. Sometimes days.” I was crying by then. Tears streaming down my face. Katelyn came and stood by my side. “I don’t want to break up with you. I just want you to be here. It feels like it’s over between us.”
I wanted to say more. I wanted him to understand me, and be close to me the way he always had.
But as I took a breath, he cut me off.
“Fine.” Asher’s voice sounded angry and tired and thin. “It’s over.”
Then he hung up, leaving me standing there, the phone trembling in my hand. I’d never cried so hard in my life. Katelyn wrapped her arms around me, waiting until I caught my breath. When she asked me who broke up with who, I didn’t have an answer.
I still don’t have an answer.
Which was it? Asher not coming to see me, or me pushing him too hard? I don’t know.
* * *
Faced with the idea of telling Katelyn what happened and just shutting up and telling her I’m at work, I choose the latter. I’m not ready to make this real. I’m not ready to rehash everything all over again. It seems like … Asher wants us to have it together. He’s been holding on to this dream just like I have.
But … are we together? Is it even possible?
A tap, tap, tap at the edge of my desk nearly has me throwing my phone and jumping out of my seat. It’s my mother, with a cocked brow looking down at me from her thin gold-rimmed glasses and burgundy cardigan.
“Sorry,” I push out and lay my phone facedown on the desk. My cheeks flush with embarrassment. I’m a better employee than this.