MATTY WAS ALMOST asleep when she sat with him on the chair, finishing the cup of warm milk she had given him. His whole body was relaxed against her, and she could feel his breathing slow until it reached the cadence of sleep. Only then did she lift him up and place him in his cot, switching on the nightlight and monitor, before padding out of the nursery and gently pulling the door closed behind her.
She was dreading this. Part of her was so angry with Tom for putting her in this position without any warning. Mostly, she was furious with herself. The situation she’d put Tom in was untenable, particularly if he’d been reconnecting with Ruby. To ask him to lie was completely unfair.
Hanna walked into the open-plan living room. The evening sun was orange, slowly creeping toward the horizon. It lit the room with an amber glow, reflecting from Tom and Ruby’s skin until they looked almost otherworldly. She watched them for a moment, as they sat close together, heads bent toward each other as they talked. How long had this been going on? They looked way too close for two people who had hooked up in the past few days in London.
“Would you like a glass of wine?” Tom stood up and approached her, wearing a conciliatory smile. She attempted a wan smile back, trying to convey that they were okay.
“I’d love a glass of Sancerre.” She’d actually love the bottle, but she wasn’t going to win any mum of the year awards with that attitude.
Tom left the room and Ruby stood up, her face youthful in the dull evening light. Hanna felt the pull before Ruby even moved, and within moments they were in each other’s arms, a mess of tears and recriminations, hugs and anger.
They were sisters. The underlying love pinned them together no matter what.
“I’m so mad at you.” Ruby sobbed into Hanna’s shoulder. “I need you to tell me why.” Hanna lifted Ruby’s face, kissing her cheek, feeling their tears intermingle. The lump in her throat grew so big she was finding it hard to speak.
“I—” Hanna stopped herself, trying to think how to explain her actions. “When I found out I was pregnant, I called Richard to tell him. Caroline picked up his phone and told me about Meredith.”
“About Meredith?” Ruby clarified.
“About her not being able to walk, after the accident.” They were both breathing a little easier, and Hanna took Ruby’s hand and led her to the sofa. They sat down, knees touching, and continued to talk.
“Meredith can walk.” Ruby was perplexed. “She couldn’t at first, after the accident, but she was soon up and okay.”
Hanna shook her head. “No, Caroline told me she was confined to a wheelchair for life. That’s why I didn’t tell Richard, because I couldn’t bear for him to leave her for me.”
Ruby was as still as a statue. “That’s not true.”
“I did!” Hanna protested. “I called and I was going to tell him.”
“I mean the part about Meredith. That was a lie. Caroline lied to you.”
It was like Hanna’s heart stopped beating. Just about died in her chest cavity. Why the hell would Caroline lie to her about Meredith’s ability to walk? It didn’t make sense, unless she was trying to keep Hanna and Richard apart. Which would mean everything was a big, fat lie. The thought sickened her to the pit of her stomach. All those months of being alone, raising a child without a father was for nothing.
Nothing.
What the hell was she going to do? She’d lied to Richard by omission, thinking it was for the best, but really she’d stolen his son away from him. There was no way he’d ever forgive her for that. And there was no chance Hanna would ever forgive Caroline. She wanted to scratch her eyes out, scream at what her careless words had done. The bitch had stolen all of their futures.
Hanna shook her head, the tears flooding from her eyes. “No.”
“Yes. Meredith’s perfectly able to walk. She walked right out of Richard’s life.”
“No!” Hanna screamed. “I didn’t tell him about Matty so he could spend his life with her. Taking care of her.”
“Hanna, he finished things with Meredith nearly two years ago. He came to London and found you were gone. He was so angry; I can’t even tell you what it was like. I was scared he was going to break something, or himself. I didn’t dare tell him that we were still in touch by email.”
Hanna wasn’t sure if she was going to vomit, or if she really needed that drink. Where the hell was Tom with her wine? She hoped he brought the bottle. If only she’d tried to call him again, or spoken to Ruby and let her know. She could be with Richard now, watching him play with his son, maybe rolling him a baseball or teaching him to kick a football. God, she was so desperate to go back and change everything.
“He’s not with Meredith anymore?” Hanna felt the need to clarify. She wasn’t sure what she wanted the answer to be.
“No. He’s not with anyone that I know of. Not that he talks to me about that sort of thing. I’ve been staying with him while I’m at Columbia.”
“That’s nice, that you two reconnected.” Hanna’s response was automatic. The thinking part of her brain was still firmly stuck in Manhattan, in a penthouse apartment. She could almost see Matty running along the expensive wooden floor, his face lit up as Daddy came home after a day’s work. Another sob escaped Hanna’s throat as she realized this was a scene she would never get to see.
“It’s been amazing.” Ruby’s eyes flashed with happy memories. Tom walked in carrying a bottle of wine and three glasses.
“Is it safe to come in yet?” He asked, putting the glasses on the wooden coffee table, pouring the cold, pale wine into them.
“We haven’t scratched each other’s eyes out, if that’s what you’re asking.” Ruby grabbed Hanna’s hand and squeezed tightly. “Now we just need to talk about how you’re going to explain this to Richard.”