I hear a knock at my door and open it to find my mom standing there.
“You okay, baby girl? You don’t look well.” She reaches out and touches my forehead.
“I’m not sure. I’m not feeling so hungry. I think I’m going to lie down for a little bit.” I see a trace of disappointment cross my mom’s face before she tries to hide it. She always gets excited when everyone is home and can eat together. I know I’m being selfish, but I can’t go down there and listen to Jasper talk about some girl he’s dating. I’m not ready for that.
“Okay. I’ll put a plate in the microwave in case you feel up to eating later.”
“Thanks, Mom.” She kisses me on the cheek and leaves.
I shut my door and lean up against it for long moment before I finally peel myself away and put on my pajamas. I crawl into bed, and I don’t know how long I lie there before sleep finally takes me.
6
Libby
My eyes flutter open. The feeling of someone watching me pulls me from sleep. My bathroom light spills softly into my room, and I see Jasper’s silhouette in a chair in the corner. The sight startles me, and I roll to my side and wonder how long he’s been there. I can’t make out more than his outline at this distance and without more light.
“Still sleep with the light on?” He nods to the bathroom door. His voice is low, but I hear him.
“I don’t like being alone in the dark.”
“You’re not alone.”
He stands up and into the light a little. It’s then I see he’s only wearing a pair of flannel pajama pants as he walks to the bathroom and turns the light off. The room is plunged into darkness, and I sit up in bed. Suddenly, I feel his warm hand on my cheek, and I can’t stop myself from leaning into it. The darkness makes me feel like I can hide in it. Hide with him.
“You feeling better? Mom was worried,” he says, and then pauses for a second. “I was worried.”
“Who’s Emily?” I ask, ignoring his question. His hand on my cheek stops moving. My heart starts to pound. I shouldn’t have asked.
“She cleans my house every other week,” he says. “She was calling because she left one of her cleaning supply bags last time she was there.”
“Oh,” is all I can get out. Relief floods my system, and the knot that had formed in my stomach untangles. I hated thinking he had some girlfriend coming over so much she brings a bag to stay the night. I shouldn’t care, but I do. I know we can’t ever be together, but it still hurts to think about. “I’ve never been to your house.”
I hear him let out a breath and I feel him sit down on the bed. “Did it bother you, thinking I had a girlfriend? That’s what Mom thought. That Emily was someone I was seeing. Is that what you thought, too?”
“Yes,” I whisper, feeling my face warm. Once again I’m thankful for the darkness.
“I hated seeing Owen touch you,” he admits, and I close my eyes at his words. “I hate thinking about anyone touching you.”
The air is charged between us, our darkened confessions creating something that hasn’t been between us before.
“What’s happening?” I whisper, but it might as well be a scream with how quiet the room is.
I feel Jasper lean closer to me, and I mirror his movement. My body has a mind of its own, all rational thought has left. It knows what it wants, and my head isn’t going to stop it. This isn’t what I should do, but it doesn’t care. All this time I’d always thought this crush was one-sided, but was I wrong? Did Jasper look at me as more than just a little sister? I wasn’t sure if that made this better or worse. The things he said to me in his truck flood back, and now they don’t seem like they were coming from a protective brother. They sounded like the words of a jealous lover.
The quiet between us is allowing us to bare our secrets, and the safety of it lets me explore my darkest desires. I close my eyes and allow the thoughts and feelings that I’ve tried to shut down to take over. Desire is raging inside me, and for this one moment, I allow myself to give in to them.
I feel his hand come to my cheek, and he turns my face towards him. My eyes spring open when I feel his breath on my lips. I’ve adjusted to the darkness now and can make out his face, so close to mine. Some light from the moon spills in through my curtains, and suddenly I can see what’s in front of me.