Chapter 33
Alyssa
“You can say no,” Boomer mutters as Harley walks out of the clubhouse.
“He needs my help,” I tell him with a shrug.
“He needs your help a lot these days,” he mutters.
“He pays me well,” I remind him.
It’s been a month since that last conversation in the bedroom. A month of only speaking with him casually. A month of filling his requests when he wants me to watch Aria at night so he can go out with the guys and do God only knows what. A month of trying to convince my heart that I made the right choice walking away.
I can’t say I haven’t looked back, and maybe that’s why my heart still breaks a little more each time he asks me to help with the baby. I think I feel worse now than I did when he was asking more of my body.
“You’ll be a millionaire before you’re twenty-five at this rate.”
I roll my head on the back of the couch and look at my best friend. “It’s fine.”
He frowns, knowing me well enough to know I’m lying. I’m a liar. It’s a skill I’ve perfected in the last month. The smiles are fake. The laughter is mostly fake, despite Boomer’s insistence to try to make it happen.
“I’m so grateful for you,” I whisper, the backs of my eyes burning with tears I refuse to let fall.
“Sweetheart,” he whispers, his hand clasping mine.
I know I look sad, and it’s getting increasingly difficult to hide these days. I’ve been thinking for a while that it might be best if I seriously consider moving on. Other than when I get to spend time with Aria, the bad outweighs the good.
Sad is my new normal, and that’s no way to live. I know I can’t stick around here, waiting for the little crumbs to drop from Harley’s fingertips. I devour them too quickly, and I’m left unsatisfied and hungry for more.
He’s no longer rude to me. We speak often enough that I know he isn’t trying to ignore me, but there’s no more lingering looks. He doesn’t get angry when he catches Boomer and me out by the pool. He doesn’t insist I wrap a towel around me or growl when he catches Landon flirting with me.
Outward appearances say that we’re friends. My heart aches from his loss, and most often these days, I can’t even get my brain to agree that he was never mine to lose in the first place.
What my head continues to focus on is that I pushed him away, and he took that rejection by the horns and ran with it. He doesn’t pass out on the couch like he did that night after we saw each other at the bar. He no longer feels the need to be close to me, even when I’m watching Aria for him. He goes to the bar with the guys and stays gone until the next day. It’s very possible that he’s found what he was looking for elsewhere. I’ve been desperate to ask Boomer if that’s what’s going on. I know he’ll tell me if I ask, but I feel like that would be a betrayal to his friendship with Harley. He’s already in an awkward enough situation as it is.
I just never thought I’d regret the decision I made that day, despite it being exactly what I felt like I needed.
Aria grunts, her legs kicking in a demand to be put down, making me realize I’ve been holding her since Harley brought her into the daycare.
“What time do you get off?” Boomer asks.
“Four,” I tell him absently as I sit Aria on the floor. Her enthusiasm toward the walker has been lackluster lately because she can’t get into much while sitting in it. Not wanting to crush her curiosity, I spend a lot of time chasing the crawling baby all over the room.
“I’ll see you then,” he says, and I nod, absently noticing the quick kiss to my cheek before he walks away.
I take a seat beside Aria, who has found a crinkle toy to play with. It won’t keep her attention long, but I use the opportunity to watch Harley as he chats with Misty. His smiles come easier these days, and I’ll never forget the first time I heard a boisterous laugh slip out of his mouth. It was eleven days ago, and I’ve relived the sound a million times since then.
“He isn’t seeing other people.”
I jerk my eyes up to see Apollo looking in the same direction I just got caught peering in.
“I don’t-I mean-okay.”
“I mean, if you were having those thoughts, he’s not.”
“And why is that my concern?” I ask. My heart is galloping in my chest with the news.
He shrugs. “I don’t go out often with the guys because I’d rather be home with my family, but they’ve mentioned it more than once.”