“At least you found somewhere to hide. I got caught and just spent the last hour talking to a woman who has no further ambition in life than wearing more expensive shoes than her friends.”
Suddenly it all comes down on me at once. I feel like a piece of fabric that has been stretched until it’s frayed and thin. And I’m starting to not even recognize myself.
“Do you ever get tired of this?” I gesture around us. “Tired of the fake people, the gossip, the drama?”
He shrugs. “Of course. But what can you do? This is part of our world and always has been. Remember when Papa was alive and he would throw those parties?”
Now that brings a genuine smile to my face. My parents used to entertain frequently and of course, Philippe and I were required to attend the events. The world we were born into is obsessed with social standing and appearances. My father never seemed to enjoy those parties the way my mother did. For him, it was a labor of love for the woman he adored.
“How I hated those parties. And now…”
“Now you would give anything to attend just to see him again.” Philippe nods in understanding. “Believe me, I know. He would be proud of you, you know?”
The statement hits me square in the chest. There’s a part of me that wonders if he would be. Not about me, I know that he loved me. But sometimes I get a sick feeling when I imagine what he’d think of my newfound fame and all the accolades I’ve wracked up.
Nicholas Lavin was not a flashy man or even one who basked in the limelight. He was a quiet man who fell in love with a woman from a different social class. He worked night and day to make his financial services company the best so he could prove himself worthy of her. Nothing can ever touch the memories I have of him. No matter how busy he was, he always made time for his family. And he loved my mother with all his heart until the day he died.
“This isn’t exactly what he wanted for us. I think he tried to steer us on the path of integrity instead of chasing money and status. If high society hadn’t been so important to Mamma, I think he would have gladly given it all up to go live quietly in the country somewhere.”
Philippe tilts his head slightly as he looks at me. After a moment, it makes me uncomfortable. I love my brother, partially because he’s one of the few people in the world that truly knows me. Which can be simultaneously heartwarming and annoying. Especially moments like this when my emotions are churning and I’m not even sure what I’m feeling.
“You’ve been unhappy for quite some time. I’d hoped you’d figure out the why and move on but I don’t see that happening.” He leans against the railing and looks out at the view of the city. “You can talk to me, you know that right?”
“I do know that. If I knew what to say, I would. I’m just… tired, I suppose.”
He raises an eyebrow at that. “This is coming from the man who rarely sleeps? What’s really going on with you? Look at all that you’ve achieved. All that you’ve done. What more could you want?”
His voice is soft which blunts the harsh tone of the questions. It always makes it easier for me to truly think about the answers.
What do I want?
Everything I’ve ever wanted is now within reach. Is that not the definition of happiness? I think of the penthouse apartment that is being readied for me even as we speak. Just a few years ago I would have been excited about it. But now it’s just one more piece of real estate that I’ve acquired.
Just another empty home to fill.
“It all seems so pointless. I’ve done so much but at the end of the day I’m still alone with no one to share it with. The people I spend the most time with are on my payroll. Every smile, every conversation, is part of their workday. All I ever wanted was success but now that it’s here, it brings its own problems.”
He sighs. “I know that day on the red carpet affected you.”
My hands clench on the balcony rail. “Not talking about that.”
The idea that a young fan almost lost her life because of her obsession with me isn’t something I’m ready to deal with.
Kate has been monitoring the young girl’s care and we anonymously donated money to help her. Security moved quickly to contain the situation and my team was able to keep the worst details of the incident out of the news.
But there are still a few who know what happened. Every once in a while someone tries to talk about it with me but I’m just not ready to go there yet.
Philippe shakes his head. “I hear you, brother. But this is the life we lead. The money will always attract people who want things. But what’s the alternative? I’m sure poor men have it much harder. Try meeting a woman as a regular guy. Take off the perfectly tailored suit and the Rolex.”
Suddenly he laughs so hard that he bends at the waist trying to catch his breath. “Dio, I can’t even imagine it. You wouldn’t last a day if you had to wear an off the rack suit.”
I scowl but it’s hard to maintain my anger while he’s chuckling. “So I’m a snob, is that what you’re saying?”
He claps me on the shoulder. “No. You know I don’t think that. But you have very exacting standards. I wonder what would happen if you allowed yourself to have even a little bit of fun sometimes. You might even enjoy yourself for once. Try it. I dare you.”
His eyes suddenly go to something over my shoulder. “I have to go. If I see Mamma, I’ll try to distract her for you. Give you a few more minutes of peace.”
The balcony doors shut behind him and finally, I’m alone.