“Should I get going? You guys are busy,” she said suddenly.
“Oh God, stop. No. You’re fine,” I reassured her. “If I look out of it, it’s because I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“Well, yeah, you were trolling Facebook at 2AM,” she teased just as Evie rounded into the bar to make a cappuccino. “Though in your defense, if I reactivated my Facebook after more than ten years away, I’d have stayed up the whole night stalking the shit out of people.” She sipped on the last of her drink. “I mean I still do that, actually.”
“Really?” Evie giggled. “Me too. I still stalk like, people I hooked up with once when I was a sophomore.”
“Same. Though the hook-up I still stalk happened my junior year…” Kelsey said, trailing off as she watched me process what she was saying. “Am I allowed to talk about Emmett Hoult, or no? Because I did run into him a few years ago… and we may or may not have talked about you.”
My eyebrows lifted as a gasp ripped from Evie’s throat.
“Oh my God – spill!” she hissed almost demonically. Kelsey bit a grin back but looked at me first.
“First things first, can I just say that I’m sorry I hooked up with him back then when you told me not to?” she asked, laughing sheepishly at herself. “I mean I’d literally watched a bunch of our friends lose their minds after hooking up with him once and never getting to talk to him again, and I still did it.”
“I mean who could blame you?” I shrugged, the topic of Emmett making me feel dead inside. “He was gorgeous. He was the one all the girls wanted.”
“True. Though I don’t think I ever told you the drunken shit he said to me the night we hooked up. I was too heartbroken that he was ignoring me, just like I knew he would,” Kelsey snorted, rolling her eyes at herself.
“What’d he say?” Evie asked, abandoning the cappuccino she was making to hover over the counter.
“Well, we were in Greg Barton’s bedroom, and Emmett was all drunk and just laughing and groaning and hesitating to kiss me. He kept saying, ‘This one might really fuck up my chances in the future, ‘cause you’re her actual best friend.’”
I wore a blank look as Evie gasped again.
“Yeah,” Kelsey said, nodding at whatever shocked look Evie was wearing on her face.
“Well, fuck me! That means he was always in love with Aly!” she whispered furiously as Kelsey smirked and shrugged.
“I mean I think so. Pretty sure everything he did back then was to get your attention, Aly. He just didn’t know what he was feeling because teenage boys are stupid. Almost as stupid as teenage girls,” she said, jabbing her thumb at herself. “Anyway, less juicy story – I ran into him a few years ago and asked if he’d seen you because you weren’t on Facebook anymore and you have like, no social media. And he said he hadn’t, but he heard you were doing good and that was all that mattered to him. The end,” she said, giving another shrug as if to say sorry that was boring.
I shook my head as if to say it wasn’t.
Because for some reason, that story resonated more with me than the other one. Or maybe just as much. I wasn’t entirely sure why, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it even as Evie engaged Kelsey in a discussion of her brand new theories about Emmett.
I was still thinking about it even after the lunch rush, so while Evie and Kelsey chatted at the bar, I excused myself to the office to go back on Facebook. I sank into my chair, kicked off my shoes, and hugged my knees to my chest as I forced myself to return to my inbox and finally open Emmett’s message from ten years ago.
Hey.
I know you’re not gonna read this because you haven’t read any of my messages but you haven’t blocked me yet either so whatever. I don’t really have anything important to say. It’s just Sunday and we’re all at my parents house in the city for the wake, and everyone just left but your mom and dad are still here.
Your mom said you were sorry you couldn’t make it because school’s been crazy but she made a “yea we both know she’s lying” face which would’ve been funny if it didn’t kind of feel like shit.
But I get it, Aly. If I were you I think I’d probably hate me too so I get it. Please feel free to keep ignoring me - I’m just going to keep typing here though because it feels better.
It’s just weird being in this house on a Sunday with my mom and your parents because I keep getting up to look for you but you’re not here. And I keep thinking I hear my dad yelling for me to come downstairs but he’s not here either. Not really at least.
It’s crazy. Everything’s just so off and I feel like I’m going nuts, like I’m the only one who notices it or cares.
Mom hasn’t talked to Julian in days. I’ve never seen her like this before and I wish you could be here and see it so you coul
d help me figure out if this is normal for what’s going on right now, or if I should be worried. I don’t know no one ever believes me but I just have this bad feeling like it’s not over yet - like Dad is gone and everything is shit right now but there’s more coming and I can feel it. I swear to God if you were here you’d agree with me.
I really just wish you were here, Aly.
I know that’s stupid to say but I miss you like fucking crazy and I can’t talk to my friends about family stuff. They don’t get how we are but you do so that’s why I’m talking to you like this. You’re not actually here but you’re still better than them.
Anyway if for some reason you read this I just want to say again that I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I didn’t know he was going to send you to boarding school and I already told you how I tried talking him out of it but that was three messages ago. I just don’t know how to fix things. Everything’s fucked up right now and I just want to talk to you because believe it or not I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the day you left. And right now I’m pretty sure I need you.