I stepped inside and forced her to step back, and I even pretended not to notice the hitch in her breath. “Why do you hate it so much?”
“Because I’m not that naïve little girl anymore, Ryan. Pip doesn’t exist anymore, and you calling me that just reminds me of how silly I used to be, so stop calling me that, damn you.”
“You’ll always be Pip to me. That girl with the wild red hair, always willing to strip down and take a dip in the lake, let her hair blow wild with the convertible top down.”
“Stolen convertible,” she reminded me with a hint of a smile.
“Borrowed,” I clarified as my own smile grew bigger.
“Yeah well, that girl put her whole heart into everything she did and ended up hurt. A lot. This woman protects herself first.”
“You know what I think?”
Pippa turned on her heels and rushed through the living room and the kitchen, she didn’t stop until we were in the backyard. “I don’t care what you think Ryan, but I doubt that will stop you.”
I laughed and set down the glasses to fill them each halfway. “I think you’ve been protecting yourself for so long that you don’t even know what you’re protecting yourself from anymore.”
“I know exactly from what, and whom, I’m protecting myself.” She shook her head and picked up one glass, raising it in a reluctant cheers before she tossed it back in two gulps. “I put everything into our relationship and planning for our future, and you weren’t even thinking about having me in your future. I put years into that restaurant in Chicago, doing everything I could to make sure customers had a wonderful experience, and some angry son of a bitch cost me that job. Time and time again, I give and give, and get nothing in return. No, I get less than nothing, so I protect myself because apparently I’m the only person who won’t hurt me!” She slammed the glass down and motioned for me to fill it again.
“Never pegged you for a victim.”
“Yeah well, me neither, but that’s life sometimes. I’ve learned my lesson the hard way so you can damn well bet it’s a lesson I won’t soon forget.”
I nodded, because I heard what she didn’t say explicitly. She hadn’t forgotten what I did, and she didn’t plan on revisiting memory lane with me. “I’m sorry, Pip. So damn sorry.”
She shrugged like it didn’t matter, but I knew that it did. “It’s water under the bridge, Ryan. I forgave you years ago.”
I nearly spat my drink out at her words. “I’d hate to see how you treat people you don’t forgive.”
“I forgave you because I didn’t want to hang on to that anger, not because I was no longer hurt, but I couldn’t hang on to that hurt and move on with my life. So I forgave you because I had to.”
“Doesn’t seem like you’ve forgiven me.”
“Because I don’t want to just pick up where we left off twenty years ago? Typical man.”
“Because I can still feel the hate and anger you have towards me, Pip.”
“It’s not you,” she admitted, shoulders hanging low as she swirled the alcohol in her glass. “Seeing you reminds me of how stupid and naïve I was back then, and I hate it. I’m sorry for taking that out on you.”
Her words surprised me even more than a backhand across the face would have. “You weren’t stupid, Pip. Or naïve.”
“I was,” she insisted and shook her head as if that alone could block my words.
“No, you were wonderful. So beautiful and free and open. No one ever loved me the way you did, Pip. You made me realize that it was okay to show that love to another person, hell you made me long for that kind of love when we were apart. I’ve never loved anyone else like that. It was a gift.”
“And a curse,” she grumbled with a sad, almost wistful sigh like maybe she missed it too.
“Yeah, a curse too, because losing you and that feeling, makes me terrified as hell that I’ll never get it again.” I stepped in close to her, that floral scent pulled me close enough that I could smell the whisky on her breath. “That maybe you were my one shot at having that kind of love and I managed to screw it up.”
“Ryan,” she sighed and tried to take a step back, but I pulled her closer, one arm banded around her lower back. “Please.”
“I mean it, Pip.” I don’t know who moved forward first, me or Pippa, but a moment later our lips were fused together, the kiss started off inferno-hot, twenty foot flames of desire swirled around us, making my skin damp with sweat and desire. Pippa didn’t back away from the kiss either, she wrapped her arms tight around me and pressed her delicious curves against my body like she too couldn’t get enough.