Fuck.
This wasn’t over. Not even close.
No, this was only the beginning.
A start of our second chance.
I was sure of it.
Ronan (Now)
I slammed my back against the door and slid down until my ass hit the floor. I folded my arms across my knees and dropped my head into them.
I couldn’t stop trembling.
I couldn’t catch my breath.
Squeezing my eyes shut did nothing to stop the burn. Or to stop a few hot tears from sliding down my cheeks.
I was stronger than this.
I was.
But Tate had swung a freshly sharpened sword and cut me off right at the knees.
The pounding on the steel door could be felt against my back.
My name being yelled still managed to slip through.
I stopped myself from covering my ears.
But I couldn’t move to escape.
I couldn’t descend the spiral steps back to my empty penthouse.
Not yet.
Where I sat was in the middle. Between the past behind me and the future ahead of me.
I needed to decide whether to go down the steps or go back out to the roof.
I did neither.
I remained paralyzed where I was.
Eventually my name faded away and the pounding stopped. But when it did, I was both relieved and disappointed.
Empty and lonely.
Angry and scared.
Worried I’d forgive him too easily. Worried I might never forgive him and I would let this eat at me for the rest of my life.
Tate wanted to fight for us.
He wanted me to give us a second shot.
He wanted to take us back to a time when things were different.
When I had hope.
When I had dreams.
Of a future.
Of a family.
Of a forever.
He was trying to give me hope that I could still have all of that.
That this time everything would work out.
But the fear of allowing that and then losing him all over again swallowed me whole. I couldn’t risk it.
I lost a piece of myself when I lost him the first time. A piece he had only been capable of filling. But a piece he hadn’t been willing to give me in the end.
When I think back, maybe it was something he’d never been willing to give me.
Maybe neither of us knew it at the time. Or we ignored the obvious signs. And what happened with Dahlia was the perfect excuse for him to walk away.
I needed to remember what he did. What he was capable of. How much he could hurt me, even when he insisted he didn’t intend to.
I needed to protect myself by steel-coating my heart and guarding my feelings.
Being cautious.
Not easily breaking to forgive him for something I always considered unforgivable.
I could pretend he was someone else that night I came all over his face.
I could pretend he was someone else the night I fucked his mouth.
But tonight, when he had pressed against me, when he had kissed me, I could no longer pretend.
CHAPTER 12
Ronan (Then)
“You need to tell her, T. It’s not fair to her.” It wasn’t fair to me, either. It was like he was only keeping Dahlia in his pocket for “just in case.”
Or he was keeping me in his pocket. Just in case.
I shouldn’t be number two in his life. Neither should Dahlia. Even though she had never warmed up to me, that didn’t mean I wanted her to be hurt.
But if he was going to be with me, he needed to let her go. Or be with her and let me go. He needed to stop straddling that fence. Or I’d have to push him off it myself.
“I will.”
I bit back a frustrated sigh. “When?” It had been over a month since that night in his bed after the party. I’d generously given him over four weeks to choose.
“As soon as I figure out what to say. I want to break it to her easy, Roe. We’ve never fought. There’s never been tension between us. She’s not going to understand why I’m breaking things off with her out of the blue. Especially when we’ve discussed a future together.”
I stopped walking. We were headed back to my dorm room after our run. Fall was in full swing now, with the leaves dropping and the cooler air swirling around us.
The other day it had even flurried and it wasn’t even Thanksgiving yet. That was another discussion I wanted to have with Tate. Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks.
From what Tate had mentioned, Dahlia had planned on going home with Tate for Thanksgiving next week and then he planned on going to Dahlia’s parents for Christmas and New Year’s. That meant he had to break up with her soon.
“How about telling her the truth?” I asked him.
He got quiet.
I didn’t like that quiet. It worried me.
It also pissed me off.
I hadn’t pushed him hard before now because I recognized the fact he was still very confused and I’d been trying to be patient. Things between us were still very new as well as him discovering he was attracted to men.